64. Patience Is The Heaviest Weight You’ll Ever Lift

In this episode, I share a simple truth about building muscle: like cooking rice... keep the lid on and trust the heat. 

I'll also discuss:
• benefits of muscle for confidence and daily life
• early nutrition lessons and macro focus
• trusting the process through slow visible change
• inspiration from Body for Life and my first shows
• stress, relationships, and competing trade-offs
• choosing consistency over constant dieting
• progressive training with clear goals and splits
• using data: sleep, VO2, in-body, weekly photos
• defining success and setting review timelines
• practical encouragement to lift and stay patient

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Instagram: www.instagram.com/tianamoves

Website: unbreakablemb.com

Email: info@unbreakablemb.com

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Disclaimer: This show is for education and entertainment purposes only.  This is not intended as a replacement for therapy. Please seek out the help of a professional to assist you with your specific situation.

Transcript

Welcome & The Rice Metaphor

SPEAKER_00 0:07

Welcome to the Unbreakable Mind and Body Podcast. I am your host, Tiana Gonzalez, a multi-passionate creative, storyteller, and entrepreneur with a fierce love for movement. This is our space for powerful stories and actionable strategies to help you build mental resilience and elevate your self-care practice. Together, we will unlock the tools that you need to create an unbreakable mind and body. Welcome back to the show. I am your host, Tiana, and we're going to talk about building muscle on this episode. Now, if you happen to be of an ethnicity where rice is a staple in your cuisine, then I think you are going to be very familiar with what I'm about to say next. I'm Puerto Rican, and growing up, every time my mom was making rice, she would make sure she would yell, she would come in the kitchen, she would make sure that while the rice was cooking on the stove, absolutely nobody took the top of the pot off to peek inside and check on the rice. And she would like scream bloody murder. Don't touch the rice. And that and she would say that every time we took the top off, we were messing up the process. And she wanted us to trust the process that it had to sit and simmer on a very low heat and cook for a certain amount of time. And that she just happened to know. It was like magic. She just happened to know she had the time in her head and she would come. And then at that point, she would take a small little peek under the lid and then shut the rice off and cover it again and let it sit before we could dive in. And building muscle is literally the same thing. Now, if you're a beginner, I want to remind you that you are on the best quest of your life. This is by far the greatest gift that you can give yourself because having muscle on your body is literally taking a sip from the fountain of use. The more muscle you have, the more robust your immune system is, the stronger you will feel in everyday functions in life, when you're walking around on the street, when you are getting in and out of your car, when you are walking up a flight of stairs, or if you have to wander through a crowd of people and you're concerned about maybe somebody bumping into you by accident, the more muscle you have on your frame, the more confident you're going to feel. And why do I know that? Because I am living it. Now, when I initially started writing out the outline for this episode, and I was doing it with my trusty notebook and my pen, I started thinking about what what were the differences in the in me during different phases of my training history. So when I look back from right now, it's February of 2026 to early 1996. That's when I really started lifting weights. And believe it or not, right from the beginning, I was playing with my diet, with my nutrition, and with my macros. I've mentioned it on a previous episode, but I actually used to carry around with me a notebook and a nutrition almanac. And while I was eating at home, I would use measuring cups and measuring spoons to sort of quantify the food that I was eating and figuring out how to come up with my macronutrient ratio and my total calories for the day. Believe it or not, even from the jump, I was never a huge calories person. I always focused more on the macronutrient ratio. And that's probably something that my mom had taught me early, early on. We were so lucky in the sense that my mom was way ahead of her time. In the 90s, she was seeking out organic markets. She was teaching us about the different nutrients found in different foods, you know, nuts, seeds, legumes. I was exposed to new types of produce that I had never seen in a mainstream grocery store before. I even knew about organic food, which was so outside of the box back in those days. And I remember going to the gym, looking at myself, getting on the scale, being disappointed, feeling frustrated, not knowing if anything that I was doing was making any sort of difference at all. And so I want to encourage you if this sounds somewhat like you and where you're at, I understand where you are because I've been there. I want you to know that right now you are like that pot of rice. You're you're cooking, baby. And you have to trust the process. It's kind of like you're watching a film, and midway through the film, you might already be saying to yourself, like this movie sucks, I don't think it's good, or I can already figure out what the ending is going to be. There's no exciting plot twist, these the acting is terrible, whatever it is. And you shut it off before you get to the end. Or maybe if you're at the movie theater, which I know is rare these days for many of us, you may get up and leave. And then you hear that, oh no, it was actually a really cool ending. There was a total plot twist, or you know, it got better after a certain scene, or the writing improved, or something, and you're like, fuck, I got up and walked out in the in the middle of the film, or I shut it off and moved on to something else. And so you missed out. And I don't want you to miss out on this because that muscle mass, that coveted, cherished, oh so precious muscle that you are working on getting on your body is going to take time. You've got to nourish yourself the right way, you've got to stimulate your body the right way, and you need to be resting and sleeping. Now, I am gonna say, those first few years, I look back now and I remember I didn't have a lot of patience. I was dating someone, this was like my first love, right? I was dating someone who had already done a bodybuilding show. And I remember he sat me down, he's like, I think you should watch this. And it was a short film. It was about a group of people that decided to enter a 12-week transformation challenge. And the company is called Body for Life. Bill Phillips was the person running the whole challenge. He's a very well-known personal trainer and fitness expert. Um I actually am not sure if he's even still around and in business, but uh very good-looking guy, great physique, good speaker. And in the film, he talks about how, you know, people go to bodybuilding shows or people do bodybuilding shows. And it's actually really more exciting for the people who are doing it than the people who are going to support and watch. And he created this system or this challenge for people who are not necessarily getting on stage, but people who wanted to test their limits and see what they could really do with their physique in 12 weeks. So he came up with this whole challenge and he did, you know, before and after before and after photos. They did testimonials, they went back to the hometowns of the people at the forefront of the competition, like maybe the top five people, and did a little bit of, you know, research and interviewing just to show like how these people were taking the training that they learned from him, taping, taking the nutrition that they learned from him and applying it in their regular day-to-day lives. And it was so interesting and so fascinating. And I remember at the end of the video, he said to me, You could do that. And he really inspired me to enter my first bodybuilding competition. Now I was still in college, and college was a motherfucker for me because I was enrolled in engineering school. So I knew it wasn't something that I could commit to while still in school, but I put it on my radar for the following year. And once I graduated from college in May of 2000, I knew, like, oh yeah, it is on because I moved back home. I had a full-time job lined up, and I also had a gym membership. And so he was away in Boston at school for periods of time. He was a little bit younger than me. But when he would come home for weekends, or if he was, uh, I think that they did co-op programs in his university. So, like there was one semester or trimester where he had a co-op and he was home. Uh, and so we were able to train together and he was able to help me. And it was, it was really, really great. And I had this awesome support system. But I remember kind of being jealous of him because he looked great all the time. He didn't necessarily go through these like ups and downs and the ebbs and flows. He was pretty consistent. Uh, he could get away with eating things that maybe were a little bit, I would say, not cheap meals, but like more rich or sweets. Whereas I felt like I could look at a crouton and I would gain 10 pounds of water. And so I think that looking back now, what had happened was I had created a pretty fragile system after doing my first show because, you know, maybe I dieted too hard, or it was just this extreme condition that I put myself into, and now my body was revolting. But I did it again and again and again and again. And between the years of 2000 and 2004, I did five competitions. Mind you, during that time, uh, I wound up breaking up with that guy, single for a short period of time. Then I was in another relationship, and this one was with the older narcissist who was like very controlling and manipulative. Um, he loved bomb me into a whole fucking crazy situation. And so, believe it or not, he was sometimes supportive and most of the time made my life hell. Especially when it came down to the fact that I was gonna get on stage in a bikini and have a panel of strangers judging my body. Um, but you know, that's a topic, the whole narcissist thing, that's a topic for another episode. And I've touched on it in several episodes, so I I don't need to go into the details here right now. But to bring it back to, you know, the ups and the downs and being patient with myself, I didn't know it back then, but having this high stress situation in my personal life, or, you know, thinking about the lack of support that I had, the lack of financial support, the lack of emotional safety, the stress. And then in May or June of 2003, my dad was released from prison and he lived with me. And so there was like a whole new set of stressors in my life. I probably should not have gotten on stage for a few of these shows. And also I was and still am the type of person that once I say I'm gonna do something, I'm going to see it through. In the first few years of me doing these bodybuilding shows, there was no fucking way I was going to withdraw, you know, my application or drop out of competing. However, fast forward to June of 2004, and I remember I was leaving a job and starting a new one. And I was starting the new role within the same month that I was supposed to get on stage and compete. And thinking back to previous competitions and remembering, you know, what it took the that final week to get on stage and where my head was at and how my cognitive functions were lacking and how exhausted I was all the time, I knew that the job was way too important to me and I could always do another show. So I wound up withdrawing, and that was the first time I had ever done that, and it was really hard for me. And although things at home were stressful with my dad living with me, and things at the job were stressful because it was a new industry. I had shifted from being an engineering associate and consultant with a pharmaceutical company. I shifted gears and started way back at the bottom as an administrative assistant in a property management office for a commercial location in Westchester County, actually, right near the Hudson River, beautiful campus, beautiful views, lots of interesting natural issues like geese, um, koi in a pond. Um, we wound up having a forward fly infestation because there were breaks in the pipes underneath the building. We had uh an issue with mice that I had to contend with. So these are all insane situations for somebody who's a very beginner in this in that industry, but they were really, really valuable lessons, taught me so much. And with all of that, I knew the best thing I could do for my training, for my health, was just to continue going to the gym and to continue being consistent. Now I wound up making this decision in my head, okay, like maybe I shouldn't compete ever again. I remember those first few shows I did between 2000 and 2004, I kept getting mixed reviews and feedback from the judge panels, the judges' panels. There was sometimes feedback that was constructive. It'd say, you know, you could work on this and this and this, and other times it was just like, oh, you just have to be in better condition. It was very vague. And it was sometimes conflicting because I did different divisions within the sport. So I first did bodybuilding, then I switched and I tried figure, and then I switched again and went back to bodybuilding. And it was like every time I did a show, they the judge or a judge would say, Oh, you should your body is better suited for this. You should try this next time. And then I would do that, and then they say, Oh no, your body's better suited for bodybuilding. So I could never make heads or tails of any of it. And I just remember thinking to myself, well, what do I want to do? Fuck these judges. I'm probably never gonna see them again. What is it that's important to me? And I remember thinking back to why I started lifting weights in the first place and thinking about, you know, sculpting this nice strong upper body. And so from 2003, remember, I did prep in 2004, but I wound up pulling out of the show. So from prior to that, all the way up until 2009, so we're talking a solid six years, all I did was focus on myself in the gym. Now that worked out huge in my favor because I was able to focus on the task and less on the outcome. Of course, I wanted to look a certain way. Of course, I would get on the scale, of course, I would scrutinize my physique, of course, I would question if what I was doing was working or not. But working for what? My goal was very simple. Let's build this upper body. So I focused on upper body. I focused on back exercises, shoulder exercises, chest and arms, and of course, core. And I will say it definitely worked. You want to know why? You want to know how I know that? Because years later, when I finally decided, okay, let's see what I'm made out of. And I did enter another bodybuilding show, which is beside the point, but I went into another deficit. I put myself on a very specific meal plan. And once I started to get leaner, I saw all of the years of growth that were underneath all of that area where a lot of women will say, Well, I don't want to get bulky. You're not getting bulky, you're gaining muscle, and it's underneath some body fat that you have. So that's what you think is bulk, but it's actually not. You just have to keep doing it consistently enough, and eventually some of that body fat will burn off. Now we can get into the whole science of that, but that's probably gonna be another long episode. But needless to say, had I not spent all of those years building something, I wouldn't have had the physique that I had in 2009 and 2010 when I decided to do five more shows and compete again and get my pro card. Now, of course, there were a few more shows after that that I tried to diet for unsuccessfully. And my ultimate last show was in 2013, and that was the Kentucky Pro. After that, I decided, all right, I need to give this body a break. And now, 13 years later, from my last competition, the amount of growth has been exponential. But the difference this time is I'm not just showing up and like working out haphazardly. I have a plan, I know exactly what I'm there to do, I know exactly what I want to accomplish, and I have people holding me accountable to make sure that I'm staying on track, to make sure I'm not just spinning my wheels, to make sure that I'm eating enough, to make sure that I'm sleeping. So between my trainer who writes my program, he also gives me macros. I have the aura ring that helps me track my sleep. I have metabolic testing that I typically do once a year. It probably should be more than that, but once a year seems like a feasible um amount for me. If I was competing in more events, for example, a CrossFit competition or a HyROX event, or I was doing a marathon or a half marathon, I would probably do my VO2 max testing much more frequently. But I just do it for me, so I have my heart rate training zones. Um so all of that information helps me stay on task and stay committed. And between those things, plus the in-body, plus the way I look in clothes, plus the pictures that I take to check in each week, I'm able to see if the work that I'm doing is really moving the needle in the right direction or not. Now, I don't expect everyone to do all of the things that I'm doing all of the time, but it wouldn't hurt to make a little bit of an investment, to make a little bit of a commitment to get yourself in the right direction. Why? Because in order for you to know if something's working, you first have to define what it is you're looking to do. Like that pot of rice on the stove that we talked about at the beginning of this episode. If you wanted to cook and you wanted to cook properly and you want to get really nice fluffy rice, there's steps you have to take and you have to trust the process. So, what are the steps that you're going to take to build the physique that you keep saying you want to build or that you keep thinking about in order to make it happen in 2026? Now, the frequency, the duration, the exercises, the weight, all of that can vary. But as long as you stay committed to the process, as long as you stay committed to the plan and you check in with yourself in a timely fashion and not prematurely, I don't think you need to wait six years. But if you have outside eyes that can look and help you make those assessments, that would be really, really helpful for you. Building muscle is a slow, steady process. It requires a commitment from you, it requires patience from you, and it requires dedication. I promise you that the work you do here will pay you back tenfold. Because there will be a time, there will be an instance in which you're going to be able to do something, or you're going to be able to execute something, or you're going to be able to pick up something or move something. And it might surprise you. And that's because you've been strength training. Maybe carrying the laundry is going to feel easier. Picking up the groceries is going to feel lighter. These are just some of the many examples. I want to encourage you to get out onto the weight room floor. I want to encourage you to do this for yourself. Because also in pouring into yourself, taking out a little bit of time to focus on what you need to do. Maybe put on your favorite playlist or your favorite podcast. Zone out for a little bit of time. It doesn't have to be endless. It could be 45 minutes. It could be an hour. That right there is so valuable, so precious, and it's a nice little gift you can give to yourself. You won't regret it. I hope this episode helps you feel a little bit better about your journey. If you've already started and you're feeling frustrated, and if you are about to start on a strength training journey, I highly encourage it. And I want to remind you that yes, it's going to be hard, and yes, it's going to be very worth it because you're worth it. So take the time, commit to the process, be patient, check in with yourself. And if you'd like to share with me how you're doing on your own strength training journey, you can check the show notes and see all the ways you can get in touch with me. You could send me a text, you can send me a DM on Instagram, you could follow me on Substack. You could also sign up for the wait list for my new program that I'm rolling out, probably by the end of Q1. It's called Lift Like You Mean It. It's a strength training program and it's focusing on lifting weights. There are three different programs. I'm rolling out a three-day training split, four-day training split, and a five-day training split, as well as videos, pictures, and 10 mini podcast episodes explaining how it all comes together and how to make sense of it all and how to start using it right away so that you can get stronger and feel more confident in the gym. So all of that is in the show notes. Thank you for being here. As always, I appreciate your time and attention on this episode and every week that you show up for yourself. I'll see you on the next one.