Unbreakable Mind & Body
Welcome to The Unbreakable Mind & Body podcast with host, Tiana Gonzalez—a multi-passionate creative, storyteller, and entrepreneur with a fierce love for movement. This is our space for powerful stories and actionable strategies to help you build mental resilience and elevate your self-care practice. Together, we’ll unlock the tools you need to create an unbreakable mind and body.
Unbreakable Mind & Body
Asking for Clarity Can Transform Your Important Relationships
Have you ever found yourself firing back an angry response to a text message, only to later discover it was all a misunderstanding?
Drawing from my own experiences growing up in a household where questions often felt like accusations, I share how childhood patterns create adult communication challenges. This episode offers a pathway through these communication minefields.
The transformative practice I now use with clients can revolutionize how you communicate with everyone in your life. By normalizing the courage to ask for clarity, stepping away when emotions run high, and recognizing that multiple perspectives can be true simultaneously, you'll develop stronger, more authentic connections with the people who matter most.
Subscribe now to continue building an unbreakable mind and body through these practical insights.
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Disclaimer: This show is for education and entertainment purposes only. This is not intended as a replacement for therapy. Please seek out the help of a professional to assist you with your specific situation.
Welcome back to the Unbreakable Mind and Body Podcast. Thank you so much for being here. I have a question for you. What do you do when you receive a text message and it puts you on the defense? It makes you feel a certain type of way and, before you know it, you're reacting. Well, how many times has this happened to you? I know it's definitely happened to me. In this episode, I'm going to help you strengthen relationships in your life, especially the important relationships, and if you enjoy this episode, please subscribe to the show by hitting the follow button.
Speaker 1:Let's get into it. We've all been there. You get a ping on your phone, you take a look, you read the text message and you are assuming that the person is either being aggressive, judgmental, harsh, mean, or that they're coming for you in some sort of way, and instead of asking for clarity, you respond with that energy. We've all been there. Maybe the person forgot their punctuation at the end of the text message. Maybe they were in a rush and didn't finish their thought before they hit send. Maybe all of this could be clarified with a quick phone call. Oh, remember those. You know, back in the day we used to call each other's houses and oh my gosh, here's another mind-blowing concept. Sometimes you'd have to speak to someone's mom or dad and be polite and use your words and find your manners. That skill is somewhat lost not completely gone, but it's certainly a lost art and we didn't have to check in with each other to ask permission to call, we just did it.
Speaker 1:I remember being about 19 years old and my boyfriend and I at the time were fighting about something and I had my own about something and I had my own landline phone in my room. And I remember leaving the house for the day. If I left the house for the day, I wouldn't talk to him because he could call my phone over and over and over again and I wouldn't be home. And I remember my friend picked me up, wouldn't be home. And I remember my friend picked me up. We went to the gym, we worked out at the gym, we showered and got dressed at the gym, we went out to lunch, I think. We went to the mall. We might've even gone to the movies. It was like a whole Saturday affair. And when I finally felt like, okay, I'm going to go home now, don't you know? Within about five minutes the phone rang and I picked it up and he said where were you all day? I was out. That's one of the ways that a lot of us in Generation X avoided talking to people. We just went out for the day.
Speaker 1:Other times I would tell my mom. If so-and-so calls, tell them I'm not home. And I remember one time this boy called that I was really pissed at and um, oh my gosh, I'm just remembering now. So this boy had a scooter, an electric scooter, and it didn't have brakes. So he would use his foot as a brake and I remember I think it was his left foot the sole of his sneaker was starting to wear completely through because he was using that as his brake. Yeah, but I digress. So I remember one time he called the house and I heard my mom say oh hi, and I'm screaming from upstairs. Tell him I'm not home. I'm sure he heard me, but yeah. So going back to clarifying things, maybe it requires a level of courage, maybe it requires some bravery to just say hey, hey, I'm not sure I'm understanding what you mean by that, but can we clarify and that's a big deal too, clarifying something.
Speaker 1:When I was little I was very defensive and I felt like any time an adult was asking me a question. It was in an accusatory fashion and, to be fair, a lot of times it was it was in an accusatory fashion. There was a lot of emotion going on in my environment, in my surroundings. My dad had been struggling with his business and then with his court case and then being sent away, and you know my mom had to pick up the pieces and build these relationships with her two children that for a period of time we were not really seeing each other all that much. So I give her a lot of credit. It was difficult, but as a child, for me these are concepts way outside of my comprehension level. I only could experience life from my childhood lens. So you know I was 12 when I moved in with her and my stepdad, and those first couple of years we just fought constantly, and a lot of times I think my mom was asking questions from a place of concern, but because of the tone of anger that was still there it was very much prevalent. I was always on the defense and so for me I was always guarded anytime someone asked me a question, because I could not distinguish whether it was a question from judgment or a question looking for clarity. As I got older, I realized there's a huge difference.
Speaker 1:Now, when I sit with clients and we're communicating with each other and I'm asking questions about things going on in their home or things going on with their health and wellness goals, often I will say this question is coming from a place of curiosity and not a place of judgment. This question is coming from a place of curiosity and not a place of judgment. I need to better understand the situation so that I can offer you the best alternatives that make sense for you, specific to you, and oftentimes when I do that, it kind of diffuses the tension a little bit, because I'm telling this person I'm not judging, I'm trying to understand. I want you to put me in that scenario with you, because then I'm better equipped to make the best suggestions possible. If you're dating someone, or if you're trying to get to know someone, or you're having an important conversation with a friend and maybe you're frustrated, maybe you're angry, maybe you are not enjoying the conversation, you feel guarded, perhaps a phone call would be the best alternative Instead of going back and forth, instead of texting someone for weeks and weeks and weeks. Get on the phone and have a voice conversation person to person. That's just my recommendation.
Speaker 1:Now, energy is really important and a lot of times when I find myself feeling defensive about something, I will ask myself why do I feel this way? What am I feeling? Why am I feeling this way and why do I need to allow myself to feel this way, but also know that that is not absolute truth. Often, multiple things can be true at the same time. So maybe I am frustrated with my friend who's asking me questions about things I've already told her. She's just forgotten. So I'm frustrated because she wasn't listening the first five times that I shared it with her, because she's multitasking and texting me in between running her errands to Starbucks and TJ Maxx and wherever else she's going and not really giving me any sort of attention and not listening to the details. So yeah, that could be true and at the same time, maybe I need to be sympathetic to that other person and appreciate that that's the only moment she has for me at that point in her life where she's at.
Speaker 1:So it's about energy and it's also about understanding and finding clarity. Like I said before, two things can be true at the same time. Like I said before, two things can be true. At the same time, if you find yourself having this icky feeling or like gritty feeling, or just irritation, I would say step away from the conversation, go for a walk, think about it and then ask for clarity, ask for that phone call, ask to meet up, because that's how you will begin to strengthen that connection and, if it's important to both parties, you'll make it happen. Normalize asking for clarity, normalize being brave, Normalize the desire to strengthen the relationships that are important to you. That is all I have for this topic, for this episode. Thanks so much for being here and I will see you on the next one.