Unbreakable Mind & Body
Welcome to The Unbreakable Mind & Body podcast with host, Tiana Gonzalez—a multi-passionate creative, storyteller, and entrepreneur with a fierce love for movement. This is our space for powerful stories and actionable strategies to help you build mental resilience and elevate your self-care practice. Together, we’ll unlock the tools you need to create an unbreakable mind and body.
Unbreakable Mind & Body
Network Inventory: Courageously Assessing Your Relationships
Growth doesn't happen at the same pace for everyone. This fundamental truth has shaped my understanding of relationships and inspired this deeply personal exploration of what I call "network inventory" – the essential practice of evaluating who belongs in your life as you evolve.
Drawing from my own painful lessons in friendships, romantic relationships, and family connections, I share four crucial questions that transformed my approach to relationships: How do I feel in this moment with this person? Can I comfortably express my needs? Am I able to have uncomfortable conversations? Do I trust myself to maintain boundaries? These questions have become my compass when navigating relationship complexities and determining which connections truly deserve my energy.
I vulnerably share a personal story about a relationship breakdown during my mother's health crisis that forced me to confront my issues with trust—both in others and in myself.
Learning to have uncomfortable conversations with grace became my superpower, allowing me to either transform relationships or release them with clarity and compassion.
The most liberating realization? Some relationships are seasonal. People enter our lives for specific chapters, offering exactly what we need during particular growth phases. Recognizing when a relationship has fulfilled its purpose isn't failure—it's honoring the authentic path of both individuals.
Ready to transform your relationship landscape? Tune in to the show with a pen and paper - this is a juicy one!
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Disclaimer: This show is for education and entertainment purposes only. This is not intended as a replacement for therapy. Please seek out the help of a professional to assist you with your specific situation.
Welcome to the Unbreakable Mind and Body podcast. I am your host, tiana Gonzalez, a multi-passionate, creative storyteller and entrepreneur with a fierce love for movement. This is our space for powerful stories and actionable strategies to help you build mental resilience and elevate your self-care practice. Together, we will unlock the tools that you need to create an unbreakable mind and body. Welcome back to the show. This is your host, tiana. I'm so excited for you to be here.
Speaker 1:We are going to talk about network inventory. What does that mean? Well, I have struggled and I use the word struggle intentionally. I have struggled most of my life with all sorts of relationships, with friendships, with romantic partners and even with family members, and this is a pretty vulnerable episode for me. I know all of them are vulnerable, I get that, but this one, this one's going to be challenging for me to talk through, but it's top of mind and it's, you know, kind of weighing on me and it's something that I want to speak about. So I would love for you to get a notebook or a piece of paper and a pen, because I am going to be giving you some questions to ponder and explore and reflect upon. So maybe while you're listening to this episode, or you'll jot them down and then do it on your own time. But I think it's important for us to continuously look at the people around us, look at the people we spend time with, examine all of your relationships, because the most challenging thing that I have had to come to terms with is that we don't all grow at the same rate. So there have been people that I was incredibly close with, spent a ton of time with, talked to on a regular basis, saw consistently, that are no longer a part of my life anymore, and it's not because there was a fight or a falling out or a disagreement.
Speaker 1:A lot of times, things change in our lives respectively. They change, and they change at a different pace. And now, perhaps you know, this person got married 10 years ago and now they have kids and they live on the West Coast, and this person got married and moved back home where they grew up. You know they had only been in the area where I was for a short amount of time, and so there's a ton of situations that we could talk about, but what's important is when you are doing your work and you're growing and expanding and leveling up in your career and in your personal life. Sometimes those closest to you are going to be uncomfortable with your growth. They're not going to like your growth, they are going to give you some resistance around it or the comments will be made. There will be what we refer to as shade or or things said in jest.
Speaker 1:Now, if you are in tune with energy, you know, you know. You know in your heart, in your soul, you know when someone is not pleased with you, when someone has something negative to say about whatever it is you're doing, when someone has disdain for you or for something you're doing so that they don't like it. You know, but sometimes we love people so much and we want to hold on to the friendship or the relationship that we keep them in our life, even if we know they're going to make it harder for us. Now here's your first question. I want you to think about when you're with your friends, with your extended family or close family or whoever it is in your network. Maybe it's a professional setting, maybe it's a hobby. Just think about how you feel in that moment. Think about how you feel around those people. Do you feel good? Do you feel like you can be your most authentic self, or do you feel like you have to wear a mask? Do you feel like you have to hide things and hold things back? Now, I know I just said a whole bunch of questions. Hold things back Now. I know I just said a whole bunch of questions, but the main question to write down is how do I feel in this moment? Okay, it's important that you find your voice. It's important that you find your courage, especially if you're in a situation where you're not completely comfortable or where you don't feel protected or safe or that you can trust. So, if it's a romantic relationship, do you feel like you can trust everything and do you trust yourself?
Speaker 1:So I had a crazy love affair with this person that I met in 2006. It was an interesting one because I remember, throughout the course of the relationship, thinking and saying to myself you know what he's so great. He trusts me, he lets me be myself. Course of the relationship, thinking and saying to myself you know what he's so great Like? He trusts me. Um, he lets me be myself. I feel like I'm 100%, authentically myself with him. He doesn't question me, he doesn't ask me any like crazy, jealous or insecure type of questions jealous or insecure type of questions and he just lets me be me and all of my kookiness and craziness and I loved that Very special but deep down I didn't trust him and I couldn't figure out what it was. But I trusted him in the sense that I didn't think he would cheat on our relationship, but I didn't trust him in the sense of him like having my back emotionally.
Speaker 1:So we were together when my mother when we discovered my mother had a brain tumor, she was admitted to the hospital on a Sunday afternoon and she was having brain surgery that Friday because it was growing so rapidly. And the day of her surgery he and I got into a fight. Of course we got into a fight. I was very uptight. I found out he lied to me about something small and I blew up and we got into a fight and there was a lot of disgusting language and anger being thrown around on both ends and I went to the hospital by myself and he never showed up. And he didn't show up the next day either, or the day after that and it took probably about a week before I heard from him.
Speaker 1:And this is in a time where you didn't text message important information. Text message was like on my way or be right there, kind of thing. You weren't text messaging novels to each other. It just was culturally not appropriate at the time or socially that wasn't appropriate. So, needless to say, I felt very abandoned.
Speaker 1:My mother was in a coma for about 10 days after the surgery. The day she woke up I went to go see her and the first thing she did was ask me where he was. And I made this face and she just kind of looked at me and she said you know, did you guys break up? And I said, yeah, I think so. We're just not speaking right now. And she said to me she was laying in her hospital bed. She had just woken up from a coma about 12 hours prior. Unfortunately, I was at work when she woke up, so I couldn't get to her until much later. And she's like you know, you guys should work things out. Like you know, you guys should work things out.
Speaker 1:And because of that, and I think, just from feeling completely alone, I slowly but surely gave him another chance and for two years after that I never felt safe with this person. It was really hard for me to trust him because I already had abandonment issues and now he actually did abandon me and I didn't know what to do with that. But here's the part that made it worse I didn't trust myself. I had to learn how to trust myself. I had to learn how to listen to my intuition. I had to go to therapy. When that relationship ended in 2009, that's the one I had to get myself into some type of professional setting to learn what my problem was, because I knew that, of all the relationships I had been through, I was the common denominator. So, through a lot of therapy and a lot of sorting and organizing, unpacking and then compartmentalizing, I figured out what my issue was, and it was that I didn't trust my gut and I didn't establish boundaries, maintain them or keep myself safe. And that was all on me.
Speaker 1:So the second question that I would encourage you to explore, when you're thinking about different kinds of relationships and maybe we should narrow it down to the ones that maybe are posing a challenge in your life, where you have a choice to change the dynamic, like a friendship or an acquaintance or a coworker I want you to ask yourself am I comfortable expressing my needs to this person? Am I comfortable expressing my needs to this person? That's question number two, because if you're not comfortable speaking up. You're not comfortable speaking up, then we need to dive into that more. Now, remember, I am not a licensed therapist. These are just questions for you to have some new strategy that you can explore yourself and then come up with answers to. But if you are in need of professional help, then please find a qualified to assist you. Let's continue.
Speaker 1:One of the most powerful things that I learned about six years ago was when I really started to embrace it was this notion of having uncomfortable conversations. Having uncomfortable conversations like diffusing the tension, stating hey, I know this is uncomfortable, and then having the uncomfortable conversation. There are ways to diffuse tension before the fight starts, before tempers flare up, before the spiky comments are made. There is a way for you to tell the other person first that this is really important, this conversation that you're about to have, and that you've been mulling it over for a while, or you've been thinking about how you want to phrase it, because you care so much about the relationship or about the friendship or about your connection with this person that it means so much to you that you've put a lot of thought into this. But you have to speak from your heart right now. A lot of times when you do that, your heart, right now, a lot of times when you do that, you are piquing the other person's curiosity and hopefully, if they respect you enough, they will give you the courtesy to speak your mind.
Speaker 1:Now the last question, and I'll run through all these questions again just to make sure you have them down Do I trust myself? Do you trust yourself enough to know that, even if you are in a shitty situation, you will walk away, that if you feel like you're approaching something and it's toxic, it doesn't serve you, it's not true to you, you and you don't need it in your life? Do you trust yourself to maintain that boundary that you've established and to honor yourself in that situation? All right, let's go back to the questions, because I think that they might help you, because I think that they might help you, especially if you find that there's someone in your life you really care about. But the relationship needs some improvement, needs some reality, all right, so first, how do I feel in this moment?
Speaker 1:Like, how do you feel in the moment? How do you feel with that person in their company? Does it uplift you? Do you feel like your cup has been filled when you leave spending time with them? Or do you feel like small and contracted? Do you feel exhausted, because energy is an exchange?
Speaker 1:Question number two am I comfortable expressing my needs?
Speaker 1:Question number two am I comfortable expressing my needs?
Speaker 1:Really important. Number three can I approach an uncomfortable topic with this person? Can I be vulnerable with them? Can I speak from the heart? And number four do I trust myself? Number four do I trust myself?
Speaker 1:I hope that these questions help you find clarity in your life and maybe you don't need to do an inventory on every relationship in your life, but if you have one or two or a couple or a few where you've said to yourself ugh, every time they text you or call you you can't be bothered or you're avoiding them, ask yourself those questions and just remember this just because you were friends with someone at a very important period in your life and they were important to you and you guys bonded and you shared a connection, like, just because of that, that doesn't mean you have to hold on to the friendship and the connection.
Speaker 1:People graduate, people grow, people expand and they don't necessarily all move up and move forward at the same time and in the same direction, so sometimes you gotta let to let things go, even if you love the person with all your heart, but you know that it's time to move on. If you enjoyed this episode, please join my newsletter. You can check the show notes to see how to do that, and I would love to have you in my container, as always. Thank you for spending some time with me and I'll catch you on the next one.