Unbreakable Mind & Body
Welcome to The Unbreakable Mind & Body podcast with host, Tiana Gonzalez—a multi-passionate creative, storyteller, and entrepreneur with a fierce love for movement. This is our space for powerful stories and actionable strategies to help you build mental resilience and elevate your self-care practice. Together, we’ll unlock the tools you need to create an unbreakable mind and body.
Unbreakable Mind & Body
Finding Freedom in Endings
Ever noticed how losing something unexpectedly creates space for something better? When my favorite kitchen appliance broke down after years of faithful service, I reluctantly went shopping for a replacement. What I discovered was something I never knew existed. This wasn't just a replacement; it was a significant upgrade that would never have entered my life had my old appliance not died.
This experience perfectly mirrors so many transitions we face. Whether it's the end of a relationship, leaving a toxic workplace, or outgrowing a living situation, we often cling desperately to what's familiar—even when it no longer serves us. We tell stories that position ourselves as victims, focusing on what others did rather than how we responded or what we learned.
Drawing from my own experiences working in construction (an industry that was clearly wrong for me) and observing friends emerging from controlling relationships, I explore how we become conditioned to accept limitations and walk on eggshells. The deconditioning process—rediscovering who we are without these external definitions—takes time but leads to profound freedom.
So the next time something breaks down in your life, consider that it might be clearing space for an unexpected upgrade you never knew you needed.
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Disclaimer: This show is for education and entertainment purposes only. This is not intended as a replacement for therapy. Please seek out the help of a professional to assist you with your specific situation.
Welcome to the Unbreakable Mind and Body podcast. I am your host, tiana Gonzalez, a multi-passionate, creative storyteller and entrepreneur with a fierce love for movement. This is our space for powerful stories and actionable strategies to help you build mental resilience and elevate your self-care practice. Together, we will unlock the tools that you need to create an unbreakable mind and body.
Speaker 2:Welcome back to the show. I am your host, tiana, and on this episode I'm going to share with you a story about how my favorite kitchen appliance broke and I had to replace it over the weekend. But before we dive into that story, I want you to know that by the end of this episode you will have some questions that you can ask yourself and tools to reframe how you view a tragedy, a sudden loss, an abrupt ending, maybe something that you feel has loose ends, that you never got closure, that it's just kind of drifting off in the wind, and you're dissatisfied with the way the situation unraveled. Now I have a new appliance in my kitchen that I have fallen in love with. I have used it since I bought it. Since I brought it home, I've used it multiple times. The funny part about this is I had no idea this type of device existed and how much I was going to absolutely love it because I hadn't given it any thought. So earlier this past week I want to say midweek my favorite appliance was not working properly. I had emphasis on the past tense.
Speaker 2:I had a small convection oven, toaster, air fryer, and it was one that had two areas where you could slide a tray in so you could toast on one rack and then you can either bake or air fry on the top rack. And it had a door that unfolded from the top down, so it's sort of opened towards you like a bigger oven. I loved this thing. I got it as a gift when I moved into the current apartment I'm living in in 2021, I probably used it every single day. All the different features and settings. You could warm things, you could roast things. I mean it was just phenomenal.
Speaker 2:And I don't have a microwave. You may or may not have heard me mention it previously on the show that I live in a studio apartment and it's perfect for me. I have a great, cute little kitchen. There's certainly not a ton of counter space and the limited space I have, I needed to make sure I was using it wisely. So no microwave, this small convection oven that has multi-purpose and we're good to go. Occasionally I will use a rice cooker, but I don't have a crock pot anymore or an instant pot, just that one device.
Speaker 2:So I made my way to a retail store over the weekend just to look. I didn't think I was going to buy anything and, lo and behold, I found an air fryer that has two sides, so you could have two different types of food cooking at two temperatures, two functions simultaneously. And it has technology baked into it pun intended, pun intended so that you could have both sides cook completely and finish at the same time. So you can program it to do that. You could use just one side or you could use both sides.
Speaker 2:Now, I probably have seen this throughout my journey and travels and exploration uh, throughout my my journey and travels and exploration but I never really looked into it. So I made the investment, got the warranty, brought the thing home, unpacked it, cleaned it and I threw a banana in one side of the air fryer. And I know some people are probably saying why the fuck would you fry a banana? Well, if you've never had it, I highly encourage you to try it. Get yourself a nice ripe banana, slice it into thin slices, spray with a little cooking spray, throw it in the air fryer and when you take it out, sprinkle a little sea salt on it. It is amazing, because the outside gets a little caramelized and crunchy and it tastes like a dessert it's to die for.
Speaker 2:So why am I sharing all this with you? Well, this situation is a perfect example of where something in my life had to die. Where something in my life had to die, it had to be thrown in the garbage and space had to be made for something new, something better, something we will call an upgrade. And I find that to be similar to a lot of other things in our lives. Okay, you outgrow certain levels in school, when you're a kid and then a teen, and then you go to college and you become an adult. There are graduations at various points in time that we anticipate and expect and we can prepare as much as possible for, but truly it's still a growth experience that can be uncomfortable, scary, intimidating, sometimes unpleasant, and this is not any different. But why am I talking about it with you? But why am I talking about it with you? Because I need you to know and understand that sometimes you are going to be gripping on so tightly to something that you're not really willing to let go of, but it is not serving you any longer. And if you could take a quick moment to look to either side maybe turn your head to the right or turn your head to the left you'll see another option that's out there. That is an upgrade from the thing that you were crying about.
Speaker 2:This is common experience when we end a romantic relationship. Everyone has been in this boat where you know you're feeling badly, you miss the other party, you have conflicting emotions. Maybe you're upset with them about something that they did to you or they did in the relationship, or you're upset about things that they did not do and you felt taken advantage of or that you were being taken for granted. Either way, when you find yourself saying they did this, she said that he went and did this Every time you do that, even if it's a narration of a story or an experience that you're sharing with someone. But when you frame it that way, you're making it about the other person, when really we can't control what other people do or say or how they treat us. But what we can control is how we choose to respond to these things. And when we're talking about these experiences, especially if it's like to a friend or a relative or someone you trust, it doesn't matter what they did or they said, or this or that. What matters is how you feel. What matters is your experience in that situation. What matters is how you see yourself, because if you're always with the they said and she did, and he did. And he said guess what you're doing? You're giving this person all of the power. You are putting them on a pedestal and you sound like a victim, and we don't do victimhood around here. Like a victim. We don't do victimhood around here, but, in fairness, in order to get to the point where you're no longer a victim, you have to go through that, the only way there is through.
Speaker 2:So I am sometimes haunted by my experiences in 2023 and early 2024, when I worked in construction. I worked for three different construction companies back to back to back. None of them were a good fit. Why? Because that is not the right industry for me. That is not the right work environment to force me to have to drive an extensive amount of time to sit in an office somewhere. Meanwhile, all of my meetings were virtual calls or Zoom calls for places all over the world. So that was about controlling me, and I don't do well in environments where someone is trying to control me, whether they're paying me or whether they are in a romantic relationship or even as friends. That's not how I roll. I'm not trying to control anyone and I'm not going to let anyone control me, but I'm haunted by a few incidents, and the reason being because I was really hurt. I felt really sad. I was so confused. I never got the closure that I really needed, that I was hoping to get, that I would have liked to get had I been an employee that was respected, an employee that was treated fairly.
Speaker 2:The three different companies, vastly different from each other, all had this common vibration of selling a dream, making it sound, meaning the role that I was to have, my job title, my job description, the responsibilities, painting a picture of something. But that was a dream, that was a fantasy. The reality was far different from what they were selling and I wasn't down for it. You cannot hire an adult who's had over 20 years of professional work experience and tell them well, you just need to be here because I said so. That's not a good enough reason. Or you're going to do it this way and you're going to do it this way and you're going to stay here all night until it's done, and I don't care if you miss a gym or any personal events. Yeah, I'm not playing that game.
Speaker 2:And these are things that actually happened. The first construction company I sat in a space not suitable for occupancy. It was basically an area underneath an airport hangar in a terminal at the airport no emergency exit, no restroom, no running water Like, are you kidding me? Like are you kidding me? The second job I had the man who owned the company would scream in my face, constantly pointing a finger at my face, almost as if he was accusing me of, you know, stealing his unborn children or millions of dollars. But he was doing that over a screw size or a part that I ordered off of Amazon. It just was ridiculous. And then the third job I had that was a shit show too, because that was a family owned business and this company sold a dream that they were, you know, across the whole Eastern seaboard and they were the best at what they do. They were a shit show. They had the same small number of guys who never got any sleep, were up all night, up all day, were driving all over the place, run ragged, and they expected the quality of workmanship to remain high. It just doesn't work that way.
Speaker 2:But I am going on a tangent because I'm thinking back to these three different job experiences and a part of me is like what the fuck was I thinking? Those were not good environments for me, but the other part of me was trying to make the best out of the situation, and I think that we do that when we're in romantic relationships with people that we really like, and it's like well, what the fuck do you really like about them? They treat you horrible, but what happens is you start to box yourself in, you start to believe what the other party is sharing with you, saying to you, signaling to you Maybe not in their words specifically, but if someone is disrespecting you and that's just the way it's always been and you've always allowed it well, whose fault is that? You, and that's just the way it's always been and you've always allowed it Well, whose fault is that You're allowing it? And you start to become defined by nonsense like that. I have a friend who is going through divorce and finally moved out and is coming to the realization of like, oh my goodness, I can do what I want. I have freedom. If I don't want to wash the dishes before bed, I don't have to. If I don't want to make the bed as soon as I wake up, I don't have to. I'm like these are small little things. However, when you're in a situation where you're always walking on eggshells and you're basically in an environment where someone is trying to control you, whether you like it or not and whether you can admit it or not. When you get out of that, it's foreign, it feels scary, it feels like when's the other shoe gonna drop?
Speaker 2:I had a roommate from 2016 until 2021. So five years, from September of 2016 until September of 2021. And we had a gorgeous two bedroom, two bathroom corner apartment on the top floor of our building. Indoor parking garage spots. I mean, it was just wild Right next to a very cute, small but busy city that's happening, with a ton of restaurants, things to do, parks, close access to the train to commute into New York City or to get to all the major highways. And what I didn't realize while I was in it was I was walking on eggshells in many ways. So when I moved out, he moved to the city and I moved out to a studio, to the place I'm in now.
Speaker 2:It took me a few months to acclimate and this was just a roommate situation. We weren't romantic with each other, but it took me a while to acclimate, like, oh, I'm going to come home and the apartment's still going to be quiet. The TV won't be on, the kitchen will be spotless, everything will be right where I left it. Huh, what do you know? And don't get me wrong, that situation was not an abusive situation by any means. But I think when you're living with someone and it's a long period of time you both become acclimated to certain things, and I have my things that I'm set in stone with, and so did he, and so it took me several months of deconditioning, of peeling back the layers and realizing it's going to be okay, everything's going to be okay, and if I did need support or help, I could always reach out. And if I did need support or help, I could always reach out, and he's definitely been there for me as a friend a few times since and, I'm sure, many more to come in the future.
Speaker 2:But you could get into this habit of boxing yourself in, of having the walls around you sort of close in and smother you or stifle you, feeling like you can't breathe, defining yourself by someone else's perspective, and it's really important to not allow that to happen. Now, the other side of this conversation is that you do have to do work on yourself, and maybe when you're telling the story of well, he said this and she did that. You can own up to your parts. You can own up to the things that you contributed to the demise of that situation or that relationship, because it takes two to tango and it's impossible for one party to always be the victim. I'll say that again it's impossible for one party to always be the victim. Even the victim has some responsibility in the unfolding. Because they are allowing nonsense to occur. They are allowing things to quote unquote just be easier.
Speaker 2:You could get hit by a bus walking out to your car tomorrow. Is that how you want to go? And you never got to fully live your life because you wanted to coast and you wanted things to just be easier. But meanwhile you are fucking rotting away in the core and you feel like a shell. You're empty. You're hollow inside because you don't know who you are, because you have not allowed yourself. You're hollow inside because you don't know who you are, because you have not allowed yourself to be fully expressed, because you don't know what you really love, because you are living by the definition that somebody else slammed on you and keeps slamming on you and keeps telling you who you are. Fuck that. How do you know who you are how do you define yourself? How do you change the direction on the trajectory of life that you're going on? Guess what you get to choose and for a lot of people out there it's fucking scary.
Speaker 2:So, going back to the jobs that I had, that didn't work out. Yeah, I'm upset that. I know in all three places of business people are talking shit about me and I just have to accept it. I know that in all three of those companies there are clients that are probably asking where I am, what happened to me, where did I go, why did I leave, and they are telling lies to cover their asses. I also know in all three situations that there are people that know the truth and that feel shitty about what they did and the way they handled things, especially the second and third company.
Speaker 2:The first company was a little bit more corporate. It was a much bigger company, and I believe them when they tell me that they lost a contract and they had no work coming up, that the work was drying up. That is pretty common in construction. It happens all the time. People get let go and then they get rehired, but for eight months out of 2023,.
Speaker 2:I was commuting to the airport, I was dealing with a woman who was a fucking bully, and she was allowed to bully everyone because she gatekept her role and responsibilities. She created a niche for herself within the organization and she took on all of the work that nobody else wanted to do and became the expert at it, so that if you wanted to learn it, you could only learn it from her, and she was a fucking toothless piece of shit. I shit you not. This woman was like in her fifties you would dress nice, but she was missing teeth. We had dental insurance at this company, so I don't know what that was about. But anyway, as you can see, these things don't bother me, and talking about them is one way to transmute those feelings, to put them into something useful.
Speaker 2:So how are you going to revisit these questions that I'm about to share with you when you're on your own? Well, first, I want you to clear your mind. I want you to let go of what everybody else has to say about you, and I want you to do this for you. I want you to think about where are you going in your life, maybe in five years, maybe in 10 years? Now, don't jam yourself up with how you're going to get there. Just think about what you want for yourself, as ridiculous as it may seem, and if you're ashamed to put it down on paper or to say it out loud, think of it in your head and heart. Where do you want to be? How do you want to feel? Think of it in your head and heart. Where do you want to be? How do you want to feel? What do you want your life to look like? Are you going to let it be defined by shitty people from your past? Are you going to let it be defined by your exes or by, maybe, the current relationship that you're in? That's not that great. Now I will.
Speaker 2:I am far from an expert on relationships, but I am an expert on being a solo person. I am an expert on boundaries and I am an expert on crawling out of the depths of hell with nothing. Because I've done that and I will say that, knowing who you are, understanding your values and your principles and your non-negotiables, and knowing what those things are that light you up, and owning it. See, it's not about just knowing it, it's owning it. Step into that, embody that. Who is that fucking bad-ass person that you are? Can you be more of that person, even though the person you're thinking of is maybe a future you like 10 years from now. Well, how do you get a little bit of that goodness into your day-to-day right this fucking second? What decisions will you make? How will you operate? How will you move?
Speaker 2:A friend of mine stopped using social media altogether and I told him you know what? That's great, because a lot of the most successful people in the world don't use social media. They may have an account, but that's certainly not them on it. They have people who do that for them, because those people are too fucking busy with other things that are far more important. And he said yeah, I can't believe how many hours in my day I get back. I didn't realize I was wasting so much time so thinking about future you, making decisions like future you. I'm not telling you to get rid of social media. I'm not telling you not to use any sort of platforms, do you? But if you have in your vision you want to be a successful entrepreneur or make a lot of money or be very busy with your business, it's going to require a level of focus that you may or may not have right now. It's going to require you to make decisions as if you are already that person. It's going to require you to maybe dress a little bit sharper, to get up a little bit earlier, to take better care of yourself, to eat healthier so that you look young and fresh and feel vibrant and amazing.
Speaker 2:People ask me all the time what's my secret? And I swear to you there is no secret. I go to bed at the same time every night. I try not to drink too much alcohol. I don't really go out anymore unless it's like a sunset party, and that's maybe like two or three a year tops. I eat well, I do my homework to find out where my food comes from, I try to cook most of the time, drink a ton of water and I exercise almost every day different kinds of modalities of exercise. Sometimes it's strength, sometimes it's intervals, sometimes it's a long run. I actually did two four mile runs last week and it felt so good both times.
Speaker 2:So I want you to get out of your victimhood. I want you to stop complaining about what people have done to you and if it's still bothering you, I want you to think about how will you respond to it differently next time. What will you do differently next time. See, I know for me, I'm never going to be in a situation where I'm putting up with being treated poorly. I'm just going to exit.
Speaker 2:And I had a friend. She criticized me very harshly actually, when I left the third construction company, because she said you know, you keep setting yourself back, you keep starting over at zero and you're in your 40s, like I don't know what you think you're doing. And I said to her I'm not starting at zero, I may be going backwards a little bit, but I'm going to catapult myself forward because I have all of those years of transferable skills and knowledge and experience to draw upon. So I'm certainly not at day one like I was at day one when I graduated from college and, sure enough, within a couple of weeks I had accelerated all of the things I was doing with the work that I chose to do, which makes me happy and brings me joy, fills my cup and it serves others, and I get to be paid well to do it in an environment that I am thriving in. And now she's jealous. She can't seem to understand. How is it possible that I did that? How is that fucking possible? Never doubt me, that's how that's possible. So I know this episode went on a bit of a twist and turn and journey and if you're still here I appreciate you so much.
Speaker 2:I have received some feedback that people like the longer episodes, they enjoy the rambling, they enjoy hearing me go on and on and on about certain things. If that is you, I am happy to oblige. I want you to stop boxing yourself in. I want you to redefine who you think you are. Get the fuck out of your victimhood and I want you to remember that, even if it feels like everything is crumbling around to the ground, it is clearing away space for the new, the better, the upgrade. I appreciate your time and attention. If you would like to give me a rating and leave me a review, I would greatly appreciate that. You can also check the show notes to see how to stay in touch with me and I'll catch you on the next one.