Unbreakable Mind & Body

53. If I Started My Fitness Journey Today

• Tiana Gonzalez • Episode 53

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Here's what I would do differently if I was starting my fitness journey today. We start with the wins that set a lasting foundation. Then we get into the hard truths.  You’ll leave with six clear takeaways and a ton of anecdotal experience that I've acquired over the last 30 years. 

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Disclaimer: This show is for education and entertainment purposes only. This is not intended as a replacement for therapy. Please seek out the help of a professional to assist you with your specific situation.


SPEAKER_00:

Welcome to the Unbreakable Mind and Body Podcast. I am your host, Tiana Gonzalez, a multi-passionate creative, storyteller, and entrepreneur with a fierce love for movement. This is our space for powerful stories and actionable strategies to help you build mental resilience and elevate your self-care practice. Together, we will unlock the tools that you need to create an unbreakable mind and body. Welcome back to the show. I am your host, Tiana, and this episode is all about fitness and training. I'd like to share with you the things that I would do differently if I was starting my fitness journey today. Now I have almost 30 years of experience. I started lifting weights when I was super young. I was in high school. My mom was a personal trainer, and she taught me a lot of what I know today, the foundation, if you will, for strength training, exercise, cardio, and how to nourish my body properly. So before I dive into the things that I would do differently, let me first bring up a couple things that I think I did okay with, knowing that I had an advantage over a lot of young people, especially in the 90s, that were hitting the gym and trying to do something for not only their health, but let's let's be honest with each other here. It was about appearances, right? Many of us wanted to change something about the way that we looked, about our body, about our physical appearance. And looking back, I think some of the things I did, I did well. So the first thing I want to mention is that within the first few years, I realized I would grow exponentially if I had a solid training partner. I approached someone at the first gym I ever went to. This was in 1998. And I had been working out a little bit uh prior to that with my mom. We had some dumbbells at home, and I would go to the gym with her. But in 1998, I joined the gym, my first gym, all on my own, like a big girl signing a contract using my debit card. It was, I remember giving a handwritten check that I signed for the first month and the membership fee. And I approached a young man who was pretty jacked, and he was kind of a ringleader. And I just said, Hey, you know, do you think I could work out with you every once in a while? And so we became a thing. Never romantic with each other, never dated. It was strictly a training partner. Was there flirting? Uh, probably. He had a girlfriend. I knew she didn't like me because he was transparent with her and told her, hey, you know, there's this girl at the gym and I'm meeting her, I'm showing her the ropes, pushing her and whatnot. And I guess I could understand from her perspective, probably was thinking, well, well, what are you getting from this partnership or this relationship? Right. But it worked out well for me because not only did I have a training partner, it also helped me to meet new people, to have a group of friendly faces and to greet me, to say hello, to ask for spots, to ask questions. And truly back then, I was probably one of two or three women that opted for the weight room as opposed to the group classes in the studio and also the cardio queens. That was not me. So getting that push, having someone to hold me accountable, having someone to show me the ropes, teach me about breathing, about intensity, volume, how to split up the body, it was great. Something else I did well was I cleaned up my diet. Now, this happened almost involuntarily because before my mom became a personal trainer, she was a group fitness instructor. And even before that, she was a ballerina. So nutrition was something that was commonly discussed in our house. And before it was on trend, my mom was going to markets looking for organic produce, finding these small, a lot of times it was a vegetarian type of place. There was one not far from where we lived, which is super interesting. We're not far from where we lived in the Bronx, right on White Plains Road. I wish I could remember the name, and I wonder if that store is even still there. Probably not, but it was right under the number two train off of Pelham Parkway. And this store had fresh greens, they did juicing, and you could do the bulk purchase where you selected a bag and then went over to the cabinet and scooped out if you wanted nuts and seeds and dried fruit. It was amazing. And some grains as well. They had things like oatmeal, faro, rice. Now remember, this is in the 90s, so way before the time of Whole Foods or Trader Joe's, that stuff, sprouts, that those places were not even a thought back then. Or maybe they were, but they were very small. And so I was blessed because I was able to tap into my mom for a lot of information. And it was a lot of trial and error, but I do feel like that was advantageous for me. Even though I was working out really hard and my appetite had opened up, I was still trying to put foods that were um nourishing and had high nutritional content into my body. The other thing I did well was I showed up consistently. I was the person who was gonna go to the gym regardless of circumstances. Now, I did not have a car until the summer of 1999. So any trips to the gym with my mom, she was the one driving. So I kind of relied on her. But I would often push her and ask her, Hey, can I come? Can I come? Can I come? Even if it meant that I would have to sit and wait for her to finish what she was doing. I would bring homework, I would bring a book, I would bring magazines, I would do whatever to make it happen. In the summer of 1998, I worked in a small town that was probably about a 15-minute drive from where I lived. And I would get a ride to work in the morning from my stepdad. And then after work, I would, and I remember my hours were 7 to 3:30. I would walk to the closest bus, and then I would take the bus to the gym, which was a little bit past where I lived. And then often I would take um, either get a ride from someone or call my stepdad and ask him to come pick me up if he was available. He wasn't always available. Sometimes I would have to walk home, and it was not a short walk, probably close to half an hour. But those are the things that I would do to make it happen. Also, let's not forget that I had a training partner. So he used to drop me off a lot of times. But that consistency, it helped me develop the discipline to stick with it long term, even when I wasn't necessarily seeing the results that I wanted. It felt good to go to the gym. It felt amazing to put in the work and do something for my body. And I really enjoy and I joy enjoyed it back then and I still enjoy it today, the feeling that I get from lifting weights. Something else that I think I got right was choosing lifting over cardio. Always. If I only had a half an hour, 40 minutes, maybe an hour. And let me say that when I first started, probably the first 20 years of my lifting life, an hour was a short workout for me. So if that is all the time that I had, or even less than that, I would always choose lifting weights. I would choose a compound lift and I would stick with that. The other thing that I think I did rather well was playing the long game, knowing and understanding that a real transformation could take years. Even if day to day I wasn't seeing the progress, I wasn't seeing the changes I wanted. I knew that I was putting an investment into the bank. I was making a deposit every single time. Everything I did, from eating well to going to sleep, to going to the gym, to stretching, to taking classes. And lastly, something else I think I did well. And this is double-edged actually, because I did it well, but I wish I did it sooner. Um was that I experimented with different modalities. So I was a bodybuilder by definition for probably, I'm trying to think now, about 19 years, 20 years. It wasn't until I got my pro card, I damaged my metabolism, I had to step away from competing. I really needed to remove myself from that circuit altogether because it was not good for my mental health. And I discovered power lifting and then gave CrossFit another chance because I had tried CrossFit a handful of times and I didn't like it very much. But I loved the idea of working out in a space that wasn't wall-to-wall mirrors and forcing me to look at a body that I didn't feel great about being in at the time because I had gained a lot of weight. So diving into not only powerlifting and learning about how to be strong, doing CrossFit, which also led me into more yoga and mobility work because I was not very flexible in my upper body. And then trying things like different group classes. I taught a treadmill class and I started to really embrace running more, something I used to hate. And now I'm running and I'm doing mobility work, and I dove into yoga, traditional yoga, a little bit of bicker yoga, and just sort of mixing all these things together to find my way to where I am today. Now, diving into the things that I would do differently because this is really the juicy stuff. This is where we can get into it. The first thing I would do is to stop comparing myself, especially to pros, to fitness models, to celebrities. Back in the 90s, it was all magazines. And I I couldn't help myself, especially someone who grew up in a dance world. We were always comparing ourselves to the people next to us, to the people warming up with us, to the people we were seeing alongside of us in our reflection in the mirror. And I do think it was detrimental to me. I think it was good in some ways because it helped me to see if I was moving in the direction I wanted to, because I did have certain people that I looked to as role models and people I was hoping to emulate. But I would say more often than not, it was toxic and it was not good for my well-being. Something else I would do differently is to speak nicer to myself when I felt like I was coming up short. Diving into fitness and health and wellness was challenging, especially during college. There were many, many times where I would have to skip the gym because I needed to study and or I needed to work. Now I had a part-time job, and the first part-time job I had in college was working at a bagel shop. And I would go to the bagel shop Saturdays and Sundays and work sometimes both days from 6 to 6 on my feet. I would leave smelling like onions because of the everything bagels. I would be covered in cream cheese, mayo, mustard, ketchup, all of the above, splatters all over, oil, um, burns on my forearms from the oil on the grill. Because yeah, we wore gloves, but it would splatter onto our arms. It was rough. And I remember not being able to go to the gym. It just didn't have time or energy. And there were weeks where I may have gotten to the gym once, maybe twice, and that simply was not enough for me. So I would always beat myself up and talk badly to myself because it just wasn't working for me. The one thing that was good is that I did know that school was temporary and eventually I would be in control of my schedule and I'd be able to do all the things I wanted when I wanted to. But I could have been nicer to myself. I could have not beaten myself up or pinched my skin when I didn't like how my belly looked in a certain outfit or shirt. Something else I would change. I would trust my gut immediately if something felt off. Now, what I mean by this is within my body, there were a few instances throughout the last 30 years where I felt tired, I felt off, maybe uh, you know, I was simply exhausted. Or, for example, even during my show prep in 2010, where I probably should have hung it up, but I just did not. Uh I didn't trust my gut. I didn't listen. I was ignoring it. I figured it was just a phase and I would be able to push through. And that wound up doing more damage than good. So now when I feel tired, I show myself grace, I weigh out the pros and the cons, and I will ask myself, is it worth pushing through this workout right now? Or am I gonna do more harm than good? Just last week I had a little bit of a stomach bug and I missed one day of training. I was able to do, I actually missed the gym three days in a row, but of those three days, I only missed one workout. I was able to push one to the next day, and then the third day was just supposed to be active recovery. And I said, you know what? Walking on the treadmill at a low speed on an incline, not a big deal. So I listened to my body, I didn't overdo it, and then showed myself some grace as I eased back into it this week. Something else I would change absolutely 100% is to not be in a caloric deficit deficit for so long. I come from the generation of Jane Fonda and the firm exercise videos and how we were brainwashed with Weight Watchers and counting calories and making everything low fat and eating less and becoming smaller. And unfortunately, there are millions of women, just like me, who still believe, even when they say, Oh, I want to build muscle, that they need to be in a calorie deficit. And that is incorrect. You cannot draw blood from a stone. So if you're in a calorie deficit, you are telling your body to learn how to operate and function with less. Over time, your metabolism adapts. Now, back in the day, we used to call this starvation mode, and every once in a while I still hear somebody talking about starvation mode. Starvation mode is not a thing, it does not exist, it is not real. Nine times out of 10, when people say, but I'm in a calorie deficit and I'm still gaining weight, what is happening is they are not capturing everything that they're putting into their body. If they're tracking, oftentimes they're tracking incorrectly, they're forgetting to input everything, maybe they're not measuring, they're going by eye, they're guessing, they're ballparking everything. Because I'm gonna tell you, every client that tells me, oh, I'm in a deficit and I'm gaining weight, the moment we start to track, there's a glaringly obvious opportunity where they were making a mistake, they were eating more than they thought, and or uh they're not moving as much or as intensely as they perceive themselves to be. So it's a combination of things. But being in a deficit for months and or years at a time is doing damage to your body, and the only way to reverse that is to eat more. And yes, you're probably gonna gain a little bit of weight, but that's what will happen because the only way to adapt your body is to start pushing your food up a little bit more and to start pushing your workouts as well, so that you choose you're training your body to absorb more from a nutrition and calorie perspective, and then to utilize it efficiently. But it does take time and it's two steps forward, one step back. But being in a deficit for a prolonged period of time is gonna do damage to your body and it's gonna affect your performance, meaning the numbers that you're putting up there if you're lifting weights and how quickly you move when you're doing cardio, the type of speed you could use on the treadmill, for example, all of those things. Something else I would change, and I really wish I had done this so much sooner. I waited far too long, is hire a trainer or a coach to do all of my programming for me. Now, there is a lot of value in doing it yourself, especially once you've put in a little bit of time and you know your body and you love the creative process of putting something together for yourself. But what I've often uncovered with many clients is they think that they're putting in the right amount of volume, or they think that they're hitting the body in a balanced way with a balanced approach, but they're not. They're cherry-picking and only doing the things that they enjoy, or they are only pushing themselves but so far. It's easy to get stuck in this trap because being intelligent enough or being smart enough or having the foundation of knowledge to create a program for yourself is empowering, it is phenomenal, and it is great. And it can also be a slippery slope. Look at the people that you look to for guidance, for mentorship, for inspiration, for motivation. They all have coaches. There is a reason why the best athletes in the world right now, the gold medalists, the people at the top of their game, they all have not just one coach, but coaches for different aspects of their life. Literally, it takes a village. So when you are looking at the things that you want to accomplish for yourself, you really need to say, am I being honest here? Am I pushing myself hard enough? Could I be doing something differently to get the best results? I will tell you, yes, have I had coaches throughout my workout life? I absolutely have. I've had a few when I was getting ready for bodybuilding shows, but the mistake that I made was that in the off season I would take back control and do it myself, which is okay, but it probably could have been better. So I was avoiding certain areas, I wasn't doing things in a balanced way. I, for close to five or six years, trained almost exclusively my upper body and ignored my legs. That left me years later with a very small flat hiny. And I'm telling you, people will say it now, like, no, that's impossible. There's no way. You've got big glutes. But that is because I now train them intentionally twice a week, sometimes three times a week. And it is the first place that will disappear if I do not stimulate those muscles on a consistent basis. So hiring a trainer to do my programming for me has been one of the absolute best things I have ever done. I have been working with my trainer, my current trainer, for years. We started working together, probably I would see him twice a week, sometimes three times a week in a group setting. We were doing weightlifting. So clean and jerk, snatch, and then all of the accessory movements and lifts that complement those three movements the clean, the jerk, and the snatch. And once the lockdown came, and then things slowly started to open up, I was seeing him once a week. And then I said, you know what? Like, I need you to do my whole program for me. And I will never forget verbatim, telling him to his face, there is nothing that I don't like to do. I love it all. I feel like I've hit my peak. Uh, I I can't seem to push past certain numbers, I'm not really sure what's going on, but there's nothing you can give me that I hate. That was the furthest thing from the truth. Once we started working together and he did all of my programming, meaning he did all of my workouts and my cardio routines. Initially, it was just the fitness component. I was still doing my nutrition. And then about two and a half years ago, I relinquished to the nutrition as well. So he does give me my macros. I eat the foods I want, but I follow the macronutrient ratio that he prescribes for me, which complements the training that we're doing, which makes perfect sense. But I will never, ever, ever forget saying, I never complain. You won't catch me complaining. Bullshit. When I tell you the first few months, I would complain and complain and complain. I would still do everything, but in the notes in the app, because this is an online relationship, in the notes in the training app that we use, I would bitch and moan and complain. Everything was so hard. There were times where I would cry, there were times where I would curse him out, and he just thought it was the funniest thing ever because I was literally acting like a child having a temper tantrum. And that is because it was really hard. There are a few things that he has listened to that I have said, like, I really hate this, I don't want to do it, or I can't necessarily do it because where I train now, we don't have certain things. For example, the big sandbags that you could clean and jerk off the floor. We don't have those at my current gym, and I'm not upset about it. Okay. So if you have the chance, you have the means, and you have the discipline to stick with it and be honest with yourself, I would hire a trainer immediately. Now, the last thing that I'm gonna mention in this episode that I would change, and I would have done it so much sooner in my life, is learn technique. Now, don't get me wrong, of course I had good technique. My mom back in the day, she was a phenomenal trainer. She had a solid book of business, she had a wait list, she was in demand. And we are talking about in the 90s when primarily only the super wealthy were using one-on-one personal trainers. It was something that was very exclusive and only accessible to a certain demographic, okay, socioeconomic level there. And technique would send you way further along on your journey at an accelerated rate than anything else. Now I knew the foundations, but at some point also I stopped working out with my mom. And I will tell you honestly, we used to fight a lot because her delivery was not always the nicest with me. She was great with her clients, she wasn't always as nice with me because I'm her kid. And also I would have this like power struggle with her. Like, what do you know? You're my mom. But learning proper technique, including bracing and breathing, and realizing that yes, there is a textbook way of doing things, and there's also doing it in a way that works with your current situation, meaning where you're flexible, where you're not so flexible, where you have mobility issues, where you thrive. So you can do a squat, but it may not look the same as the person next to you who might be a different height or a different um different stature, and or they might have a different lifestyle. Somebody may be someone who sits all day long, so they have very tight hip flexors versus somebody who moves all day or works, you know, in a in a movement type of job like I do, where we are actually doing mobility all day in between with our clients in their warm-up and or at their cool down or in between sessions or in our own stuff. So no two people are built the same and no two squats are gonna look exactly the same. And I wish that I knew that years ago, it would have saved me a lot of grief because I was trying to force myself to do something looking at a picture and or videos once a video became available. And that's just not the way it works. So going back, let's cover the things I would change real quick from the top. Number one, stop comparing myself to other people. Number two, speak nicer to myself when I felt like I was coming up short or I wasn't progressing in the way that I wanted to. Number three, trust my God immediately, not second guess myself, not gaslight myself, not listen to anybody else, or let outside people influence my decision making and my judgment. Number four, I would not be in a caloric deficit for as long a period of time as I have been. In the past, I would have gone probably solid five years in a deficit, which is no wonder why I wasn't seeing growth as quickly as I could have. In the past couple of years since I've had a trainer, I've seen an enormous amount of growth because I've been fueling myself properly. Which leads me to number five, which is to hire a trainer or a coach, somebody that you can trust and who you're gonna follow implicitly for an extended amount of time, not just for a couple months a year, but for years, to allow yourself to go through a full progression, through a recomposition phase, through a growth phase. And six, learn technique as soon as possible and master the technique. The way I do things now, as opposed to 15 years ago, is wildly different. And I'm forever grateful for all of the mistakes that I've made along this journey because it has brought me to this place today, right here, speaking to you. But if anything that I mentioned in this show could potentially help. You just move the needle a little bit faster. I'm happy to do that. So remember, wherever you are, be there fully, be there present, be there with an open mind. And remember that you really can't get it wrong because it's either gonna move you forward or it's gonna be a valuable lesson for you. But what you do with that lesson is the important part, how you apply it to the next chapter or the next phase or the next project that you are gonna choose to participate in. Life is full of turns, it is full of highs and lows, and quite frankly, everything is temporary, the good and the bad. So if you feel like you're on top of your game right now, enjoy it. And also remember that it may not last forever. And when you have a low moment, you'll be able to get yourself back to that. And if you're currently in a little bit of a lull or you're having some struggles, or you feel like, damn, I just can't seem to get it together. Maybe look to an outside source, someone that you trust to help you assess everything, come up with a plan, determine what your non-negotiables are, and then you move forward. Don't sit in this uncertainty and in this confusion for far too long because it's only going to make you crazy. There are a ton of people who are fully capable, who have the knowledge, who have the decision-making skills, who have the discipline, and who have the ability to make change and to do it solo. But I will tell you, if you can partner with someone who maybe isn't miles ahead of you, but just a few steps ahead of you, and they can kind of put some blinders on and keep you focused on what's important and keep you moving in the right direction, it'll do you so much good. I hope you enjoyed this episode. If you have questions about health, wellness, nutrition, training, please send me a text. You can find how to do that in the show notes. And I'm I will answer that in an upcoming episode. You will stay anonymous, no fear. Thank you for being here. Thank you for your time and attention. As always, I appreciate you so much, and I'll catch you on the next one.