Unbreakable Mind & Body

56. Home For The Holidays, Holding Your Peace

• Tiana Gonzalez • Episode 56

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In this episode, we explore how to keep our center during holiday gatherings that revive old roles, expectations, and triggers. I share simple mantras, practical boundary lines, and reflective prompts to protect peace while staying connected with love.

• naming belonging, grief, and old identity pulls
• breath cues to pause and self-soothe
• opting out of probing questions without conflict
• boundaries as clarity from love, not walls
• food pressure, people-pleasing, and role fatigue
• choosing internal peace first 
• core prompts to spot where you still silence yourself
• self-respect as a long-term gift to yourself


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Disclaimer: This show is for education and entertainment purposes only. This is not intended as a replacement for therapy. Please seek out the help of a professional to assist you with your specific situation.


SPEAKER_00:

Welcome to the Unbreakable Mind and Body Podcast. I am your host, Tiana Gonzalez, a multi-passionate creative storyteller, an entrepreneur with a fierce love for movement. This is our space for powerful stories and actionable strategies to help you build mental resilience and elevate your self-care practice. Together, we will unlock the tools that you need to create an unbreakable mind and body. Welcome back to the show. It is the holiday season, and I thought it would be fitting to talk about how reconnecting with family, being home for the holidays, feeling a sense of belonging or wanting a sense of belonging and not receiving it could stir up a lot of discomfort, anxiety, and a whole bunch of other emotions. Throughout this episode, I will share with you some invitations, some questions, some mini mantras, if you will, or journal prompts, questions that you can ask yourself or things that you can say to self-soothe and to sort of protect yourself. Because yes, this is a cheerful season. However, it is not always cheerful for everyone. Now, I know for me, what comes up or what's stirring is memories, expectations, sometimes grief, sadness. And what makes reconnecting with some extended family or old friends is that they remember you how you were. We've learned our lessons, but it almost pulls you into this deep sort of backwards vibration or this place that you are no longer sitting at. And yet the people around you want to pull you back into that moment. And so if you're someone who wants to feel a sense of belonging or you're looking to feel loved and have connection this year, this holiday season, I'm talking to you. Because I know for me, I want to feel a sense of belonging. I want to be at peace, but it doesn't always work out that way. And sometimes when your home environment is unusual or it was unorthodox in your past, or maybe it was just challenging in a multitude of ways, how can you step back into that environment or be with those people without losing your peace? You know, how can you do that without it being a tremendous emotional cost for yourself? So that's what we're going to talk about on this episode. Now, I know for me, we cannot always control our environment. We cannot always control our surroundings. So what we have control over is our bodies and how we choose to show up in those spaces. So the first thing, the first moment or reflection, if you will, would be to just slow down for a moment if you find yourself, you know, sitting with an aunt or an uncle or a family member who's asking you probing questions, or an annoying cousin that's maybe bringing up a story that you really don't want to talk about. Again, pause, take a deep breath in, and ask yourself or say to yourself, I'm sorry, I allow what is here, meaning on your inhale, and on your exhale, you could say, I don't need to fix what is not mine. And so when someone is probing you or asking questions or regurgitating a story that everyone has heard a million times over, and you don't really want to go down that road, that's not for you to fix. You don't have to participate in that, and you can find your own way of still being present in that moment, but not being consumed by the energy. The other part of this is that people may not know about your evolution. They may not be aware of how much work you've put into yourself, they may not even understand how much you have grown. And it's not for them to understand. And you don't have to teach them. You don't have to get on a soapbox, you don't have to lecture them, you don't have to tell them shit. That is not your responsibility. Now, something else that I notice comes up sometimes is awkwardness or triggers. And I want to tell you when those things come up, you do not have to silence yourself. You do not have to strengthen yourself, you do not need to make yourself feel small. You can be empathetic in the moment, but you could also hold your ground. You are establishing a healthy boundary. And the awareness piece of it, right? So you're aware of, you know, something being awkward or a weird silence or somebody maybe saying something that is rude or triggering. You noticed it, you can deflect it, but you don't have to ignore it. You don't have to pretend it didn't happen. You don't have to disrespect yourself or allow somebody else to disrespect you. Your next prompt will be my boundaries honor both my love and my limits. All right. I'm gonna say that again. My boundaries honor both my love and my limits. You don't need to say it out loud. You're in the heat of the moment. You can repeat this internally, you can excuse yourself, go to the restroom, take a few deep breaths again, and say this mantra and repeat it. My boundaries honor both my love and my limits. Both can be true. You can love someone, and you can also define what limit and where your boundary is, what limits you have. Okay. Now, when you establish a boundary from your soul or from your heart, and it's with someone you love, yeah, it can get sticky, it can feel weird, it can be uncomfortable, but it's in that moment where you have the opportunity to be true to yourself, to respect yourself, to honor yourself. If you've ever seen a photo of me, I do have a tattoo on my right forearm, on the outside of my right forearm, and it says, Love, respect, and honor thyself. And I got this tattoo after uh I was pretty upset with someone who had repeatedly disrespected me. And I had gotten a gift certificate to my favorite tattoo parlor. So in the heat of the moment, I went, I knew the vibe I wanted to get with this tattoo. It was an artist I've worked with before. She's done six of my seven tattoos actually. And uh we worked together and decided on the placement, decided on the verbiage, decided on the font, and she free-handed it, and it was absolutely beautiful. And sometimes I wonder, you know, maybe I should have placed it somewhere else or made it smaller. But in that moment, I was really emotional and felt like it was an important message that more people needed to see than not, hence the placement of it. And it's interesting to me because sometimes people don't even realize I have tattoos. The way that my tattoos are placed, if I'm standing looking at you face on with my arms down by my side, you can barely see two or three, and the rest of them you cannot see from a front-facing view. So that's my side note. You know, I always go on a sidebar or two or 10 on every episode. So getting back to that boundary, it's about offering the other party or parties clarity. It's not a wall, it's not blocking someone out, but it's offering clarity. And when you offer someone clarity, that is from the energy and frequency of love. Now, I know most of these podcast episodes tend to focus on real strategic moves, pointers, uh, career path, growth. And this is a very heart-centered topic, but it's also one that's very valuable and important and one that I speak of often with clients, friends, family, loved ones is you know, the family dynamic and how to navigate these things. Now, when you're thinking about being with your family or being around a large crowd of people, going back to that desire for a sense of belonging, I think you have to remember first and foremost that you're at home in your body. It's not a physical place, and it's not only where your family is, your home is your body. Okay. And so when you're thinking about your boundaries and where you're going, if you have a strong sense of self, you know what your limits are, you're okay with making things maybe a little awkward in the effort to create and deliver clarity. You can also ask yourself, here's your next prompt where do I still silence myself in order to keep the peace? And what would change if I chose internal peace first? It's a long one. Where do I still silence myself to keep the peace? And what would change if I chose internal peace first? Now, I remember being a kid and being on an airplane. The first time I ever flew on an airplane was in 1986. I was eight years old. I was going to Puerto Rico for Christmas break. And when the flight attendant was giving the safety demonstration and the airbag part of her spiel came and she talked about make sure you put yours on first before you put on, you know, a kid or a loved one next to you. I didn't understand it at the time. I obviously get it now. You've got to take care of yourself first. You've got to fill your cup first. You've got to make sure that you're good, and then you can help other people. In a lot of family dynamics, there's oftentimes guilt, someone being passive aggressive, someone bending over backwards, someone really going the extra mile, making the effort, and sometimes there's someone who makes very little effort. And what that looks like for each of us is unique and different. But when you have that person who perhaps they make your favorite dish and they don't understand why you're not eating 12 plates of it, so they're pushing food on you, they don't understand why you have a physique goal, even though maybe the doctor told you you need to lose weight or you need to get off that blood pressure medication, or you are looking a little thicker around the middle, but they made that favorite dish for you, and how dare you not eat a lot of it. Does this sound familiar? Or maybe there's this sort of pressure where, at least in my upbringing, it became an unspoken vibe, particularly when my mom would host on certain events, not just holidays. And I could not sit down and relax. I absolutely could not. I had to be moving at all times. I had to be helping, I had to be moving, working, cooking, cleaning, cutting things up, setting up, moving chairs. However, not only was I an ace helper, but I also had to make sure I did it the way that my mom wanted it to be done. So there was that aspect too. It's not like I could just trust myself to do it. I knew exactly I knew the right kind of questions to ask my mom to get her to give me the direction I know she wanted to give me, even though she would say, nobody ever fucking helps me with anything, but then when we would help her, it wasn't good enough. I wonder if that sounds familiar to you too. So I know I've touched on a lot of things and I've given you a few questions and thoughts that you can ponder, whether you do it in the moment or beforehand to prep yourself for an occasion or maybe afterwards. You might need it afterwards if you're reeling, if something upset you or bothered you. But I have one more little gem that I thought might be helpful. Before you go into a party, a dinner, a get-together. You can take a moment, put your hand on your heart, take a deep breath, and repeat to yourself, I carry my own safety. I'll say that again. I carry my own safety. So I want to remind you that there's no right or wrong way to do this, there's no black or white, there's no policy or rule book. You have to find a way to do this that works for you. But as someone who has broken generational cycles, as someone who has had to pick myself up more times than I can count and start over and reestablish healthy boundaries with family, including my immediate family, I promise you that even if it's uncomfortable, awkward in the moment, it is worth it long term. Because you are responsible for your own joy, your own happiness, your own life. And yeah, sometimes we're gonna get together with people who may not see our vision, don't understand us, don't agree with our choices, don't like our lifestyle. That's okay. Your life is not for them to live. So here's the suggestions. I'm gonna run through them one by one. If you want to grab a pen and paper, now is your chance. All right, number one. Take a deep breath in, inhale, and say, I allow what is here, and on the exhale, I don't need to fix what is not mine. Your second prompt? What part of me feels unseen in this space? When you're trying to find connection or belonging and you feel awkward or triggered, that's the question you can ask yourself. When we're establishing boundaries, remember it's led from the heart, from your soul. You can say to yourself, My boundaries honor both my love and my limits. And lastly, where do I still silence myself to to keep the peace? So remember, you carry your own safety. You are your own guide, your own protector. And maybe for some of you listening, it's not that serious. You love your family, and this is never gonna be an issue for you. And to you, I say that's awesome. And I'm so happy for you. But for those of you listening who feel stress, anxiety, and are biting your nails because it's the holiday season and it's a rough time for you. I hope this helps.