Unbreakable Mind & Body

58. Starting Over, On Your Terms

• Tiana Gonzalez • Episode 58

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In this epidode, we go straight at the fear, the comparison, and the grief that show up when life veers off the map—and we chart a path that actually sticks.

I share the gauntlet that reshaped my career and made me a better coach, not because I was perfect, but because I learned to read the signals and respect the season.

You’ll get a clean, repeatable framework for any reset. We also tackle age-related changes, identity whiplash, and the myth that switching lanes means starting at zero. Skills stack. Experience transfers. You are not back at the bottom.

If your health goals stalled, if your career swerved, or if you’re just tired of chasing the highlight reel, this conversation gives you language, structure, and belief. Start smaller, move smarter, and protect your process from noise. 

Leave a review telling us the one anchor action you’re committing to this week.

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Instagram: www.instagram.com/tianamoves

Website: unbreakablemb.com

Email: info@unbreakablemb.com

Disclaimer: This show is for education and entertainment purposes only. This is not intended as a replacement for therapy. Please seek out the help of a professional to assist you with your specific situation.


SPEAKER_00:

Welcome to the Unbreakable Mind and Body Podcast. I am your host, Tiana Gonzalez, a multi-passionate creative, storyteller, and entrepreneur with a fierce love for movement. This is our space for powerful stories and actionable strategies to help you build mental resilience and elevate your self-care practice. Together, we will unlock the tools that you need to create an unbreakable mind and body. Welcome back to the show. I am your host, Tiana. This episode is all about starting over. Starting over when you don't want to, starting over when you're not ready. Starting over when you're grieving the loss of something, starting over when your external world does not look like what you had envisioned. Maybe you look in the mirror and you don't recognize yourself. Maybe the business you launched failed. Maybe you're looking at your career path, and somewhere along the way, you took a turn and it went in a different direction than you had originally envisioned for yourself. Maybe this feels foreign to you. Maybe you're uncomfortable. Whatever it is, you are not alone. And even more importantly than that, you're not done yet. So by the end of this episode, what I'd like for you to walk away with is a different perspective, a reframe on how you are going to view this process you're about to embark on as you start over in a chapter or maybe in a couple chapters of your life. Now, listen, I have had to start over thousands of times, more than I can count, more than I'm willing to admit, in multiple areas of my life, including in my romance department, in my career, with my business, how I did things in my business, launches, offers that flopped, you know, things that didn't work out with certain clients. I have to say, owning a business is like professional development on crack. And my mentor says that all the time, and it's so true, because you really do see what you're made out of and you learn a whole heck of lot about yourself. But going back to starting over, what if you took a moment to look at what's going on in your life that you cannot control so that you can make peace with certain things, so that you can evaluate what are the things that you can control right now, so that you can get organized and take action. Now remember, if you're 35, your body's not gonna do what it did at 20 or 25. And if you're 55, your body may not do what it did at 35, and that's okay. Life is gonna leave marks on us. Injuries, stress, hormonal changes, family dynamics. Maybe you had a pregnancy or two. Maybe your workout routine from a decade ago isn't working now because you're a different person. Maybe your lifestyle is different because things are different in your world, your income is different, your uh social status is different, who you hang out with is different, the places you go and enjoy dining are different. And so I think it would be fair to say that if everything has changed within your sphere, within your domain, is it fair to put pressure on yourself and to tell yourself that you should be the same? I don't think so. So, first I want you to stop measuring yourself against who you once were. I'd like for you to not compare yourself to strangers on the internet, to people on your socials, to people that are your so-called friends and family who you really don't know anything about other than the highlight reels they are sharing on the the internet. And I want you to remember that your journey is yours alone. Not even your partner can embark on your journey with you. It is for you to live alone. Can they be around for certain parts of it? Yes. But even your trainer or your coach is not gonna go to the gym with you and lift the weights for you. They can show you the path, they can give you the formula, they can show you data and science and new metrics and give you new tools to work with. And you are the one who has to do the work. You are the one that has to walk down the path. You are the one that has to actually take the steps necessary to catalyze change. So yeah, starting over is really hard for most of us. But it's also an invitation to do things differently. So if you're starting a new health and fitness goal or you're starting over with a health and fitness goal that maybe you have attempted in the past and it didn't work before, and you've tried so many different approaches, you've worked with people, you've made changes that didn't stick. Remember that there's probably something out there that will help you, that is beneficial for you, and you just haven't found it yet. I got my pro card in bodybuilding in 2010. The extreme measures that I went to in order to get myself in the proper condition to get on stage and win my pro status was very extreme, and it really did a number on my system, my hormones, several organs like my kidneys, my liver. I also had issues with my reproductive system. And needless to say, at the time when I was going through that really challenging period where I gained a lot of weight and I couldn't understand why. I was not binge eating, I was still going to the gym, I was training very hard, I was eating well, I couldn't make heads or tails of what was happening. And I remember I just kept doing the same things that I had known up until that point in time. I was doing my cardiovascular training, I was lifting weights, I was uncomfortable, I was eating a lot of the same foods that I did while I was in competition preparation. I knew nothing else. And it wasn't until I finally surrendered. And I remember I was holding on tight for months after getting the pro card because I had my weight had creeped up a little bit, and I was terrified of completely losing myself and ballooning up. So I tried to stay on a very strict regimen. Mind you, I was doing close to three hours of cardio per day and lifting weights an hour to 90 minutes per day. Six days a week, sometimes seven. That is a lot of time. Four and a half hours in the gym per day. And I also had a full-time job that required 24-7 coverage and responses. I was very tired. I was very stressed out. It wasn't until I finally surrendered and said, okay, I need to do something about this. And I started making doctor's appointments, having blood work done. I did everything under the sun. I tried an elimination diet. I went on a detox. I went vegetarian for a period of time. I did acupuncture. I did lymphatic massage. I used a dry brush. I was taking tons of supplements, just trying to detoxify my system and doing all of these different things, not pressuring myself to look a certain way, not pressuring myself to fit into certain certain clothing, not pressuring myself to be something that I just was not at that point in time. It was difficult because I was a pro bodybuilder. It was something I had worked so hard for. And I felt like I could not even enjoy my success in the sport because I didn't look like my pictures. I didn't look like I did when I won. I didn't look like I did on stage. Far from it. So there was a lot of shame. There was embarrassment. There was a lot of grieving, like I mentioned earlier. And it was very confusing. I didn't understand why me. Why was I going through this experience that I went through? And truth be told, it took me several years to get myself out of the woods. It was a bit of a tug of war, a little bit of a seesaw, you know, two steps forward and one step back. But I will tell you that what I went through completely changed the course of my life. So, because of my experiences with various doctors, with various protocols, with so many different incredible professionals that stepped in to help me. And this did not happen in a few months. We're talking years, this journey. Because of those experiences, I was inspired to completely change my life, to change my career, to start a personal training business, to coach women, not only in fitness, but also in nutrition and health and wellness. One as prevention from going through what I experienced, and also to continue learning from myself. So I would say, yeah, I've been exercising and lifting weights and working on nutrition and macro ratios and putting together diets and meal plans and training protocols since the late 90s, but it probably wasn't really until I got my certification that my mind opened and I was receiving information, new ways of doing things, learning from colleagues and professionals of various disciplines. So I was able to then explore functional fitness, powerlifting, weight lifting, learning how to row properly, swimming technique, running technique. I put myself headfirst into all of this, not all at the same time. Some of it, yes, at the same time, but not everything that I just listed. And because of those experiences, because of the change in my career path, because of what I went through with my own health, I am now the person that I am today. So, yes, it was very difficult from a physical place to start over because I had been in peak condition and then I wasn't, and I had to start over. We could also compare this when we're talking about my career. I was making over six figures using my degree, had a really high profile role where I had a team of 40, 40, 40 to 45 people that reported to me portfolio of properties throughout New Jersey for a very high profile client. And I went from that to being a solopreneur and a personal trainer. It was a huge change. Huge change as far as what I was generating for income and what my life looked like. And it has changed over and over and over again. And so I share this because everything happens for a reason or reasons and we don't necessarily know at the time. So even while we're coping and thinking about that grief or feeling pain and discomfort and we're confused, if you trust yourself, if you can find a way to trust yourself and know that you are you and you can get through this uncomfortable period, what comes out on the other side of it, it could be amazing. It could be the thing you, the very thing you wished for. It could be better than what you had envisioned. I want to give you a path forward. All right. And something that I suggest first and foremost, don't declare what you're working on on social media or to your family. I understand that being held accountable is important. And I also know that maybe if you don't feel like you're under a microscope, that you have to do something, it'll be less performative and it'll be more special to you. Just the thought. But let's think about this path forward, okay? So the first thing I would like for you to do is to get really honest with yourself about where you are. If this is based on health, wellness, fitness, nutrition, and let's actually keep it there for the purposes of this conversation because that's my jam. It's one of my favorite things to talk about, and it just makes the most sense. Get honest about where you are. So take your measurements, take pictures. Maybe if you don't have access to an in-body scale or a regular bathroom scale, you can take the photos. You can do circumference measurements. Then I want you to remember we're not doing this so that you can shame yourself. We're capturing your starting point. Think of it as a data collection. Something else that would be helpful for you is to think about how you're feeling right now. Get it down on paper. A lot of times, and I'm included in this, we don't want to actually acknowledge where we're at currently because we don't want to stay there. I'm not going to buy bigger clothes because I'm not staying at this size. And I know that that sounds crazy, but that is something I have said to myself time and time again. That is something I have heard some of my clients say time and time again. I get it. If you go to the store and you buy that bigger size clothes or the clothes that you don't want, but you feel like you have to, you're almost submitting. I think that's the right word. You're almost giving in that this is just the new norm. This is the way it's gonna be. If that's not the case, don't go buy the clothes. Now, step number two, define what you want and what it means for you. Not what it meant to you before. So maybe you have a goal that you've tried making happen a few times in the past, and maybe it was a New Year's resolution that didn't work out, and you're here again. It's a year later, and that thing still isn't done yet. So you're gonna start over. So I don't want you to think about what it would mean for you, what better would mean for you based on the first time you set the goal. I want you to look at it now. Because guess what? Even if you think you're in the same place, you're not, you have a whole year of wisdom behind you, of life experiences, of things that you can reflect on, of conversations and people and places you've been. Think about what would accomplish this new goal or this new task mean for your life today. Now, if you're just starting over because maybe a relationship didn't work out, or you got a new job, or you're shifting gears in your career, that question may or may not be relevant to you, but it's worth exploring just for a minute or two. Now, step number three, I want you to commit to one focus. I talked about this in the last episode, and I speak on it a lot. When you are spread thin and you're trying to do four, five, six, seven things all at the same time, most of them are gonna fall off. You might be setting yourself up for failure. So pick one thing and then figure out what your anchor actions are for those things. What are the what are the non-negotiables? What are the things you can do most days? What's gonna move the needle forward for you to get closer to where you want to be? To get out of the icky sticky place where you might be right now. Then I want you to think about getting support. So this is step number four. Get support. You don't have to do this alone. Maybe it's a coach, maybe it's a friend, maybe it's an accountability partner. You have to find your people. And this is important. But I know I said maybe don't post it on your socials. You know, the internet is a strange place. We're living in a time where people think it's absolutely okay to say something negative about someone on their own posts. We live in a time where people will take a post and then comment and either double down on the meaning or contradict the meaning, and that's how they become famous or internet famous. That's why I'm I'm telling you to just maybe shy away from the social media shout outs, from the putting yourself on the hook in that way. Keep it intimate, keep it personal, keep it with like maybe one or two people because that accountability is gonna matter more. Is it gonna matter that 10,000 people on the internet know you're working on a weight loss journey or that you're trying to put on size? Or is it more important that maybe your coworker knows because you guys eat lunch together every day and now you're changing your diet and it's gonna affect the places that you're gonna go to eat for lunch? Just a thought. Now, I want you to think about starting over as not going backwards. I want you to think of it as building something new, building something new with wisdom that you never had before. Because we're not the same. We are ever evolving. A few years back, I was sort of in between with jobs. And let me tell you, if we could go down a rabbit hole. With the amount of changes I've had in my career. I'm not going to do that today. But I will say, I found myself at a place where I didn't know what was next for me in my career. I was very burnt out with online business, primarily because I lived alone and spent a lot of time in my apartment working out of my apartment. And by the way, I live in the Northeast, which is so stupid. If you are completely remote and you have no anchors, why would you want to live in the Northeast where it's brick in the winter? Anyway, I digress. So I had gone back to working in the construction industry and that didn't work out. I had three different jobs within a 16-month time frame. I don't think it was me. I think it was the industry. But I found myself in spring of 2024, kind of lost. I didn't know what was next. I actually quit the last construction job that I had because I worked for a narcissist who was verbally abusive and would slam his hand on my desk. He would call me and yell and scream. And he was just a maniac. And so I had to get out of that. And I made an exit with no plan. I had nothing lined up. I had a little bit of a cushion. I had a little bit of support from my network. And I had to get a job. Girls got bills. Right. So I was working, uh, what do you what do you call the word? Like remote, but like um completely commissioned. Thank you. I'm thanking myself. I was working on commission supporting my friend's online business. And it was good for a little while until it wasn't. And I remember I did that for a few months before I figured out what was next for me. So it was really more of like a transitional sort of thing. And I remember she said to me when, you know, I told her that I was giving her, I gave her a month notice actually. And I remember when I was sort of closing things out. It was like either on my birthday or right before my birthday. I didn't give a fuck. And she said to me, you know, I'm really worried about you. Like, what are you going to do? You're starting over again. You keep bringing yourself back to zero. Because now you just keep starting over. So wherever you go from here, you're going to start at the bottom and have to work your way back up again. And I had to do everything in my power not to laugh because that is not true. Not in today's day and age, not in this society, not in this world, with all of the life experience, with all of the different roles, with all of the transferable skills, with the ability to not only sell and market and cultivate and create and execute and coach and mentor. Do not ever think for one second with all of the skills that you acquire throughout your career that if you want to make a change, you have to start back at zero. That is not true. And if anyone tells you that, run. If that's coming from a friend, they're not your friend. They don't know you. Because you're starting over, yes. But you're starting over with all of the knowledge that you have acquired. You're starting over with all of the experience that you have garnered. Do you see where I am coming from where I'm coming from? So remember, it doesn't really matter where you thought you'd be. A little tough love right now. If you didn't put in the work, it's probably on you that you didn't care where you thought you would be. If we're talking about a career path, romance, then you know, there are things out of our control. Maybe you did everything you could and you should be able to sleep at night. But what matters is what you're willing to do starting today. What matters is knowing that you are capable. What matters is that you are scared, but you're still gonna do the thing. What matters is that you're entering a new chapter. Starting over is a declaration that you believe in yourself. Starting over is an invitation into the next version of you. Starting over is the beginning of your next season. And unfortunately, not everyone from last season is getting an invitation to the new season. Right. If you found this episode helpful, I would love to hear from you. Send me a text, or you can send me a DM on Instagram, check the show notes for how to do either of those things. I love to hear from my listeners. I want to know what you're working on or what you're starting over. Thank you so much for being here. I appreciate your time and attention. As always, every Monday, right here. And I'll catch you on the next one.