65. Lessons That Come Back Around

We reflect on a messy Puerto Rico trip and the shame it sparked, then show how stillness and honest naming turn old wounds into tools. We share how progress can feel flat when growth outpaces goals, and we offer simple ways to process instead of perform.

• progress feeling underwhelming because you already grew past the goal
• the Puerto Rico trip as a mirror for stress and rigidity
• jealousy as a signal of unmet needs and missing belonging
• communication gaps and the cost of unprocessed family pressure
• later moments of repair that complicate a single story
• building a toolkit for reflection, boundaries, and clear asks
• the role of silence, boredom, and daily pauses in emotional sorting
• accepting old reputations while updating who we are now
• a direct prompt to revisit one hot-memory and extract lessons


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Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome And Core Premise
• 0:40 Progress Feels Underwhelming
• 2:02 Puerto Rico Trip Flashback
• 3:22 Stress, Rigidity, And Family Dynamics
• 5:09 Owning Jealousy And Communication Gaps
• 6:28 Later Repairs And Regret
• 8:28 Processing Emotions And Stillness
• 10:41 Reputation, Acceptance, And Growth
• 12:25 Your Turn To Reflect
• 14:48 Closing And Listener Invitation

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:07

Welcome to the Unbreakable Mind and Body Podcast. I am your host, Tiana Gonzalez, a multi-passionate creative, storyteller, and entrepreneur with a fierce love for movement. This is our space for powerful stories and actionable strategies to help you build mental resilience and elevate your self-care practice. Together, we will unlock the tools that you need to create an unbreakable mind and body. Welcome back to the show. I am your host, Tiana, and I am here to tell you that when you have an open mind, when you are eager and willing to do the work and you want to become a better person, let me tell you the lessons from 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30 years ago will continue to resurface, will pop up in your life, will show you new things that you can learn from. And I share this with you because I want you to realize that you know I always talk about taking action, about doing things before you feel ready, about setting goals. Sometimes when you are working towards something and you've set up goalposts for yourself before you even get there, you're already thinking about the next one. And so what ends up happening is often you might say to yourself or feel, oh man, I'm not making any progress, which is actually not true. What's happening is you're making so much progress that by the time you get to that first goal that you set up for yourself, it's a bit underwhelming because you're already thinking about the next thing. Now, thinking about stories and experiences from the past that teach us lessons, I had a flashback yesterday about the last time that I was in Puerto Rico, which was a long time ago. It was about 2001. And I suddenly felt my cheeks turn bright red and I felt a huge amount of shame. And I, as I was driving, had to say to myself, okay, what is all this about? Why do I feel this way? And I remembered that on that trip, I flew down and I met the guy that I was dating at the time and his family. So his mom, his dad, and two of his older sisters. He had three older half-sisters, and I met the group down there, and I remember things were kind of never the same after that vacation, primarily because of my behavior. So I recall that I was under a lot of stress at home. I had this very pathetic salary, this job I hated. I was traveling a lot, which was not something that I had initially set up, signed up for when I signed the contract with this company. And I remember it was, you know, my first big girl job, and I wanted to be so excited about it, and I absolutely was not. And so going to Puerto Rico, I thought, oh, this will be great. You know, I'll be able to de-stress, I'll be able to be on the beach, it'll be great. And it wound up being a horrible time, and a lot of it was because I had to just go with the flow and be with the group and give up some of the things that I am accustomed to. So the gym, my diet, uh going to sleep early. And I recall having, you know, some issues and I was butting heads with his mom because she wanted to go to the casino and she wanted to go out dancing, and like these were all things I was not expecting or anticipating at all. So I mentally wasn't really prepared for this like party vacation, but not really, because we were with his parents. Um, and it was just awkward. And then her kind of like making some some jabs and side comments about me just like being so uptight, maybe not not being able to have any fun, and like, you know, commenting like, you know, well, that's your girlfriend kind of a thing. And I remember having words with one of the sisters in the car. I remember being so upset and wanting to just leave and go home. And I remember feeling completely trapped. Now, if we really think about this more carefully, the only person who was trapped was probably him, the guy, because he was stuck in the middle. And I was certainly hotheaded, had a temper, was very jealous, and I felt threatened because of his relationships, which were good with his family. And it was jealous of the fact that I didn't have that for myself. I remember clearly, you know, being upset and and and realizing like, I'm not jealous that he's not spending time with me and he's spending time with his parents. I'm actually jealous that they treat him so well and they do certain things that, you know, I wish I had. And obviously that's not fair to him. But I did not at the time have the ability to articulate it in such a way and to express myself in a healthy fashion. So it just came out with like anger and frustration. And it's really a shame that that is my memory of the last time I was at Puerto Rico because that's where I'm from and that's where I went several times as a kid. So just thinking about how difficult that situation was and why did I have such a problem? And it's insane that it's 25 years later and I'm realizing, oh, well, it was because of my job. It was because my relationship with him was like kind of fragile at the time. It was because I was so rigid in my own lifestyle and I didn't know how to balance things. And, you know, there was a lot of pressure at home also because my dad was still away in prison. I was still trying to like navigate my mom's separation from my stepdad. They lived in separate houses, and I would help out with my baby brother from time to time. So, like, there was just a lot going on. And obviously, I was wound the fuck up. And I didn't know how to channel that in a healthy way. I felt such embarrassment reflecting back on this that I wish I could go back to his mom and apologize. But then I remembered also that there were instances after that trip where I did show up for him, and I did show up even for his mom. I remember one time it was snowing, he was away at school in Boston, I was home, and I lived near where his parents lived, and he asked me to like go over to his mom's house and help out with something, which I did with no hesitation. And I remember his mom being kind of surprised, almost like she expected me to be rude or not helpful. You know, I wish that I hadn't been so hot-headed. I wish that I had a healthier way of communicating. I wish that, you know, I had the tools and was equipped to navigate my emotions a little bit better. On that topic, I remember just a couple of years ago when we were in the lockdown period of time, and I connected with one of my best friends from middle school. And in a similar fashion, thinking back to my younger years, this was now, you know, sixth and seventh grade, I did not know how to handle anything, especially when my dad got sent away to prison. And I didn't have a healthy place where I could talk about my feelings. So they were just bottled up inside, and it came out in like the most inopportune moments and the worst times possible. Because I just did not know how to filter myself, I did not know how to process things. I I was just so, and rightfully so, but I was very much in my victimhood. And I think that's what happened when I was with this guy and his family in Puerto Rico, and then I, you know, so many other times. And so it bears repeating that like you're gonna look back on things, and 10, 15, 20 years later, you can still learn about yourself and you can still extract details and information and downloads and process things and find things that are useful for you because you only have one life. So wouldn't it be in your best interest to find a way to sort through all of that junk, all of those things, that bag that you've got overflowing with emotional shit? So you can kind of pull the articles of clothing out one by one, maybe look at them, maybe see if they're still in good shape, maybe decide if you want to keep it or if you want to donate it or if you want to sell it. And then the stuff you want to keep, what are we gonna do with it? Maybe we're gonna wash it, we're gonna fold it, maybe it needs to be ironed, maybe we're gonna hang it up in the closet, maybe we're gonna fold it nicely and put it right back in the bag that you took it out of. That is how you can navigate your feelings every single day. But what you need to be mindful of is that you need to give yourself time to process, you need to give yourself an opportunity to sit with those things, you need to give yourself a chance to breathe. And we're so caught up in doing and being productive and always being plugged into something besides when you shower, when was the last time that you went for a walk with no music on? When was the last time that you drove in silence, even if it was only for a few minutes? I actually have a client who uh does put on a show on her phone and like keeps it off to the side when she's in the shower. And she just, you know, luxuriates for a minute or two. And it's when she can catch up because she has a newborn or an infant, I should say. And I'm not poo-pooing on it, it's not bad. It's just, you know, really think about when was last time you allowed yourself to be bored. It might be something helpful for you, it might be something that can bring you clarity, it might be an opportunity for you to find some peace. And then you'll get the downloads, then you'll learn the lessons, then you'll be able to look back and say, Oh my gosh, I didn't realize that about myself, but now I do. And it's always valuable information, it's always a tool that you can use to improve any interactions you have going forward so that you can refine not only how you do things, but the way you show up in the world, the way that you present yourself, the language you use, how you want people to remember you. Unfortunately for me, and it's not necessarily all my fault, but unfortunately for me, there are people from my younger years when I lived in Larchmont and Neurochell and even in the Bronx that I'm sure remember me, and they think that girl was crazy. She was so loud. And the truth is, there's absolutely nothing that I can do about it. It is what it is. I just have to accept that. And I have to hope that if I ever cross paths with any of these people, that they give me an opportunity. So I'd like to challenge you. Was there ever a time in your past that you wish you could go back to and maybe do it a little bit differently? Maybe just work with yourself a little bit better, coach yourself a little bit better to create a more favorable outcome. I'd like you to think about that just a little bit because we all have moments that we're probably not really proud of. You know, they weren't like our finer shining times. And that's okay. That's part of the human experience. And also accepting that and knowing that, hey, you know what? I've grown from that. And you know, it's not about judgment really. Although I did judge myself, that's why my cheeks got all hot thinking about that trip to Puerto Rico. But there's nothing I can do about it now, except be better and operate differently. If I ever get the opportunity again, I'll handle it differently. If I ever run into this guy's mom again, I'll handle it differently. Obviously, it was a long time ago. I'm gonna wrap this episode here. Keep this one short and sweet because sometimes we can say a lot more by saying less. And I'd like to encourage you, if you do come up with anything where you can see where you have grown, I would love to hear from you. So check the show notes and you can send me a text. And if this episode resonates with you, please do me a favor, subscribe to the show and give me a rating. It would greatly improve my visibility and chances of more people getting the opportunity to tune in to become unbreakable and to develop an unbreakable mind and body. As always, I appreciate your time and attention, and I will catch you on the next one.