67. Everything But The Kitchen Sink

Ever feel the pressure to add more, teach more, be more—until the work loses its edge and you lose yourself? I’m pulling back the curtain on how I stopped cramming “everything but the kitchen sink” into my offers.

I walk through the sting of past launches, why teaching to an empty room still changed me, and how those reps forged clarity I couldn’t get from a highlight reel. 

We also get honest about fit and integrity.  I share the boundaries that protect my energy and my craft, from pricing with confidence to saying no without guilt. That space lets me go all-in on the things that really matter to me. 

If you’re tired of being stretched thin, this conversation invites you to deprogram urgency, pick fewer, better reps, and choose yourself daily.

If you want the deeper lessons behind strength training, I write a weekly newsletter called Between Reps: Building the Unbreakable Woman. Check it out HERE

Instagram: www.instagram.com/tianamoves

Website: unbreakablemb.com

Email: info@unbreakablemb.com

Get on the waitlist for my new Strength Training Program: HERE

Disclaimer: This show is for education and entertainment purposes only. This is not intended as a replacement for therapy. Please seek out the help of a professional to assist you with your specific situation.

Transcript

Setting The Stage For Growth

Learning In Layers, Not All At Once

Creating Again After Past Disappointments

Showing Up When Nobody Shows Up

Integrity, Fit, And Referrals

Foundations Of Women’s Strength Training

Defining Real Strength Work

Business Boundaries And Self-Worth

Drop The Kitchen Sink Mentality

Burnout, Split Shifts, And Limits

Ripple Effects Of Choosing Yourself

Commitment, Follow-Through, And Closing

SPEAKER_00 0:07

Welcome to the Unbreakable Mind and Body Podcast. I am your host, Tiana Gonzalez, a multi-passionate creative, storyteller, and entrepreneur with a fierce love for movement. This is our space for powerful stories and actionable strategies to help you build mental resilience and elevate your self-care practice. Together, we will unlock the tools that you need to create an unbreakable mind and body. Welcome back to the show. I am your host, Tiana. This episode is called Everything But the Kitchen Sink. And we're just going to get right into it because I had this download this morning while I was doing my makeup, and I realized that this is definitely something that I want to chat with you about. Because when you're learning something, like remember back to when you were in high school or in middle school or whatever grade it is, and you were learning about a subject, you actually only learned a sliver or a segment or a certain amount of material related to that particular subject. And then years later, you might have revisited it with a new curriculum, with more expanded thoughts, with a deeper level of the lessons and the teachings and what really transpired. I can think back to the difference uh in American history when we were in school, in elementary school, we learned a few things about what happened in the past. And then when we got to high school, we had American history again, and we learned some different things. And the events and the dates and the people involved didn't change. But the level, the magnitude, the amount of death, pain, drama, tragedies, and the convictions uh involving the key players in whatever events we were learning about was magnified and was far more intense because we were older and we were at a more mature uh emotional level to receive that information and prop process it appropriately. So why am I talking about this? Well, this goes back to the gym. This goes back to when you're learning something new for your craft. Maybe it's related to your work or it's a hobby or it's a skill and you're looking to refine it. And so when you're in the beginning stages, you're not gonna learn everything and the kitchen sink all at once because it's literally too much to process and to even make any sort of steps forward in the direction that you want to go. So why am I talking about this? Well, I am creating something and it's getting close to the wire now where I'm putting all of the pieces together, I'm fine-tuning, I'm identifying what's missing, and then I'm gonna be doing some recording and just getting all of the pieces in place. And I remember doing this in the past and not having the kind of success that I wanted. Now, I wouldn't necessarily call it a failure because I actually did spend time and create something. But I'm a little bit traumatized, and I'll tell you why. Because I have spent years of my life working on creating things. And when they finally launched, when they were finally put out to market, when I was finally brave enough to be visible and for people to learn about the things that I was offering, I did not have the outcome that I had dreamt about. I did not have the type of sales or clients or earn the profit that I was hoping to make. Now, I am not somebody who is only in my work capacity to make money. I am here to serve. However, we have to make a living. The bills show up each month, whether you have income coming in or not. And coming from the past where I've come from and having to deal with a lot of struggle and stress, and sometimes not really knowing how we're gonna get through the month, that's certainly not the life I want to live any longer. And so being self-employed years ago, being all in on my business, using only organic marketing, word of mouth, referrals, to tell people about the things that I do, to share the projects and offers that I had with the world at the time, and then put it out there and not really see the kind of success I was hoping to generate or create for myself. It certainly put a damper on things. It certainly made me question if I was qualified, if I knew what I was doing, if I had the acumen to really be in that field. And social media can really bring you down because if you're using it for organic marketing for any kind of offer, hobby, interest, even if you own, you know, let's say um an Etsy shop and you have merch, you know, if you are looking at what other people are doing, sometimes you can't help but compare yourself. And so it's interesting right now to be in the position I'm in because in my eyes, I feel very brave and courageous to be putting myself out there yet again with something that I'm hoping will be a success and will help hopefully hundreds, maybe thousands, but I'll be happy with a small number for the first initial cart open of clients that are gonna take this program, take this offer, and embed it into their lives. And when I think about it that way, it's like, wow, I'm actually looking for a real serious kind of transformation, even though the price point is under$100, it's still something that's going to potentially change the course of someone's life. And that's a big deal. But my tendency was always to keep going back, to go over the work that I had already completed, to keep tweaking and refining and fine-tuning it, re-recording, editing. And it's like you can get so caught up in the creative process that maybe the work is never actually done. And there comes a point where you have to sort of rip the band-aid off and say, okay, it's finished for now, and it's good enough, and I'm gonna put it out there. But it's fucking scary in 2021. When I left working in person and I went all in with the training business online, I created a course. I created these other smaller digital offers, I created a mentorship for women. I created so many different things and really put myself out there. I remember in the beginning of 2022, I had put together this program and I did a five-day live launch on Facebook and taught a topic each day Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, card open Thursday, questions and answers on Friday. And it can really kill your spirit when you put so much work into something and people sign up for it if you're lucky, and nobody would show up to these calls. And it's like, well, I'm already here. I set up, you know, my background, my lighting, the Facebook Live or whatever platform I was on, you know, I had all of my materials, and I wanted to have an interactive sort of experience, but nobody showed up to some of these calls, and I still had to go through with it like there was a large audience watching me. So of course I'm sweating, my armpits are sweating. I'm praying that my neighbors are not too noisy. I'm hoping that the connection is strong for the Wi-Fi so that I don't drop off. I'm hoping the recording stays and that I get a nice long, full video that I can then save and edit and upload and maybe use as a future training for something. And I did all of that. And I have to say, looking back now, I have those videos, of course, and they're somewhere where no one else can see them unless they have the link. But that was four years ago, over four years ago now. And I watch these videos or I watch pieces of them and I can see my own evolution, and it is incredible. And guess what? That would not have happened if I didn't follow through with the live launch and with delivering the teachings each day, and with doing it as if I was presenting to a virtual room of 50 or 100 or 300 people. I would not have the type of confidence that I have today had I not been through that experience in the past. And so I ask you, would you consider that a failure? I don't think so. Now, did it hurt my ego? Yeah, it did. Did I have a few people that were interested in that offer? I did. They were not a good fit after doing discovery calls and really sitting down with them to ask the right kinds of questions. And I am someone of integrity. So it doesn't matter if it's a$60 offer or a$600 offer or a$6,000 offer. If I do not feel like the co-working relationship or the collaboration is going to be beneficial for the person, I cannot just take their money. That is not the type of person that I am. I'm happy to refer out. I'm happy to refer, you know, in a different direction, maybe not to somebody I know personally, but I've referred plenty of people. For example, men and women who want to do bodybuilding shows and they'll ask me if I can handle their show prep. That is something I used to do that is not really something I do any longer, especially for a first timer. I've been out of that game for a little bit. And yeah, of course. Do I still have all of my industry connections? Do I still love the sport? Do I still go to bodybuilding shows? Yes. But I also know that where I'm at in my life and what suits me best and what really sets my soul on fire is something different. And so I want to make sure that I'm sending people in the direction of, you know, a coach or a mentor or a guide that can light them up as well and show them all of the ropes, teach them everything they need to know, and be the best fit for that person. Now that's just how I operate. I cannot say the same for every trainer that's out there. Training is a really challenging industry because, yes, it is very saturated. And so there's a lot of competition, and you really have to separate yourself from the crowd, set yourself apart. But sometimes that means saying no to people and turning away money because the person is not the right fit for you as a trainer, as a coach. And you want to do what's best for them, but you also want to do what's best for you. Now, circling back to my main focus about, you know, everything but the kitchen sink. When I think about some of these different types of offers and teachings that I have put together in the past, I'm proud of myself that I did it. I look back at the work and it's still good, it's still valid, it can be repurposed, it can be touched up and it can be applied today. And the reason for that is because the foundation is the foundation. I am a strength coach for women. I know what it takes, I know what they're dealing with, I know what it's like to walk out onto the fitness floor and sometimes just get a little thrown off. Maybe you had a specific movement or exercise that you wanted to start with, you're not able to do that. Maybe all the platforms are taken or all the equipment that you want is taken. What do you do? I have the answers to those questions, you know. Let's say you want to work out four times a week, but something happens. Well, now you can only do three. So how do you adjust? How do you scale appropriately? That comes from years of experience. That comes from knowing what works. So that's what I mean about the foundation is the same. It doesn't matter if I look back at workouts from five, 10, 15 years ago, the meat and potatoes is the same. There may be some tweaks in there as far as different mobility exercises I'm doing in the beginning, or rep ranges, or maybe different types of equipment that I'm using. But generally speaking, the movements, the desired stimulus, the warm-ups, and the stretches at the end are all very, very, very similar. And that's valuable. That's worth its weight in gold. I've always felt that it was more valuable for me to focus on a couple of things or maybe just dial it into one specific thing and to go really deep with it. So instead of being a master of none knowing all of these these different things, I can speak to certain things. I can speak to certain modalities, I can speak to certain sports, hobbies, and activities. However, like I said before, I'm huge on the referrals because I know that there are other people out there that are experts in those things. For example, if I wanted to work with someone and they say, Well, I'm really focused on this sport, let's say it's field hockey, let's say it's soccer, let's say it's basketball, I can give them a general program. But if they want some real pure strength and conditioning or sports specific training, I can refer out. When it comes to building muscle and getting stronger and getting the confidence required to eventually just show up and command the fitness floor, I'm your girl. And that's literally why I created this program called Lift Like You Mean It. Now, if you've listened to much earlier episodes, I did have a free PDF download. It was like a mini guide with the same title. I love the title so much that I decided to expand it into a more comprehensive strength training program. And it's been so much fun to create this program. And it's also been an incredible amount of work. And throughout the process, I have had to keep reminding myself we do not need to put everything under the sun in this program. Let's focus on the desired outcome, which is to teach women who have experience working out. We're not complete newbies. Teach women that have experience, but maybe are a little bit confused about what they should do first, how many days a week, what kind of weights to use, what rep range is appropriate, and the type of volume they need to be doing on a week-to-week basis. And that's it. Could I include fat loss cardio workouts? I could, but I'm not going to. Could I include a guided meditation? I could, but I'm not going to. Could I include mobility flows? I could, but I'm not going to. Because I know that for me, at the end of my days, what I want to be known for is the person. I want to be known as the person who gave other women permission to show up, even if it's messy, even if it's inconsistent, even if it's not perfect, and get the job done with whatever they have available, with the tools at their disposal, with the time that they have to figure it out and to make it work. I want more people, particularly women, to stop abandoning themselves. Yes, it is amazing the gift of motherhood, the gift of being a wife and a partner to somebody. Yes, to be a loyal, uh, ambitious, hardworking woman in your career path. I'm not taking away from any of those things. But you cannot do any of those things well if you are not taking care of yourself. And when I say taking care of yourself, I am talking about lifting some fucking weights because you need to build muscle and you need to build bone density so that you are not a weak and frail older woman as you get older. There's no secret about it. Lifting weights is the fountain of youth. And I'm not talking about the light weights and doing 15 to 20 reps of everything. I am also not talking about doing weights in the fitness classes. That is different. That's really cardio with some weights. Now, I don't want to upset anybody, but there is a difference between having strength training where you have autonomy and you're out on the fitness floor lifting heavy shit and lifting weights in a group setting in a fitness studio or in a small group class. Is there value in both? Yes. But at the end of the day, the true weight training is when you're going significantly slower, you're not moving to the beat of the music, you're focused, you're in your body in that moment, you're breathing, you're making the mind to muscle connection, you're thinking about what you're working, and that's it. You are not thinking about all of the tasks you have to do when you leave the gym. You are not thinking about what you got to make for dinner. You are not thinking about the person next to you and if you're gonna get more reps in in the time frame than she does. You are thinking about the work you're doing in that moment, and that is all. And quite frankly, that may be the only time of day where you are actually in your body in that present moment and not distracted by your phone or caught up in what everybody else needs you to do and having people pull on you. Now we do this to ourselves as well because there are people, sometimes I'm a part of this group as well, where it's like it feels weird to not be doing something, it feels unusual to not be stressed about something, it feels like eerie or creepy or odd or like the other. Their shoes about to drop if you are not in the middle of a swirling storm. Take a breath. Feel the feet. Feel the ground under your feet. Unclench your jaw. You're gonna be okay. The more you spend time being grounded, lifting weights, doing for you, the better you will feel in all of the other moments of your life where you are doing for everybody else. But you cannot pour from an empty cup. So that's really why I had this burning desire to make this program. And listen, is it gonna be perfect? No. But it's gonna be my best shot, and I've been putting a lot of time and effort into it. And so, you know, it's scary putting myself back out there again. I had to get the LLC, I got uh, you know, different policies for my website to make sure I'm covered legally, having like, you know, terms and conditions, a disclaimer, a privacy policy, all of that stuff is in place. Business insurance, a bank account, and it's scary because it's like, oh, we're really gonna do this again. Remember what happened last time? And what happened last time was that I closed everything down, I shut it down, I burnt it because I was not, I was not being satisfied the way I needed to. It didn't matter what kind of money I was generating in the business, I was dissatisfied with it. So really it all came back to me. You know, one of my mentors always says if you want to know what personal development on crack feels like, just start a business. Because the success of the business is a direct reflection of how you feel about yourself, what you think about yourself, where your mind goes. And the truth is, I've always wanted to help other women. That is the primary reason why I quit my job in commercial real estate property management. I just felt this calling. I would have more and more people reaching out to me while I was working full-time in property management, asking me to help them with their diet or refer them to doctors or to show them a few things in the gym because they wanted to change their body, they wanted to change their life. And so it just became so loud and noisy that I knew that that's what I had to do. And that never changed. But what I didn't know was that I didn't know how to run a business. I didn't know how to market myself. I didn't know how to sell training. I didn't know how to sell programs. I didn't know how to establish boundaries in a healthy way. I didn't know how to say no without feeling like I was hurting someone else, without having this tremendous guilt. See, I was a reformed people pleaser. But there were still these like undertones left and right throughout me navigating as an online business owner that I had never experienced before. And then also working with people in person in fitness. And it was a, it was a really, I would say, tumultuous journey. But one that has been so precious and invaluable. Because now I do have younger trainers or trainers who are new to the industry, and they will ask me questions like, How did you do this? How did you do that? How did you become so confident? How do you seem so calm all the time? And it's like, first of all, I know exactly who I serve, I know exactly what I do and what I do well. I'm honest with people, and I also do not shortchange myself. At the end of the day, I am running a business, and I have to at least be able to buy my groceries and pay my bills, right? But I also know that I have so much experience and that's worth a lot. And I have to see my own value, just like you have to see your own value in your life. You are not a fucking doormat. You are not, you know, just another transaction. You are a human being and you are a person. And so learning how to say no respectfully, learning what my limitations are, communicating them in a healthy way has been a game changer for me. Because the truth is, do I want to help everybody? Yes. Can I? No. Do I want to teach everything? Not really. Can I? Yes. So this goes back to the title of this episode: Everything but the kitchen and sink. We're not doing that anymore. We do not need to be this like diluted, watered down, completely spent, ragged shell of a person. It's not necessary. And the more that you can start to realize this and maybe pull back a little bit, the better you're gonna feel. You don't need to answer a text message as soon as you get it. You don't need to roll out of bed in the morning and dive into your emails. I don't care if you think you do. You absolutely do not. You are programmed to believe that. And it is your job to deprogram that. You don't have to do everything at once at the same time for everyone. It is fucking impossible. The most important thing that you can do for yourself, then for your loved ones, then for the greater good of the world, is to take care of yourself, is to choose yourself, is to carve out a little sliver of time every single day just for you. Because without that, you are gonna be drained. You're gonna feel like you have leeches on your body and they are just sucking the fucking life out of you. And let me tell you, as somebody who has lived through that, that does not feel good. I will not allow that to happen again. My first few years as a personal trainer working in a big box gym, I remember there were certain days where I would have nine or 10 one-hour appointments all back to back to back with maybe a 15-minute window or a 20-minute window or a 30-minute window where I could inhale something to eat. And then there were days where I would have one person or zero people, but I still had to be at the gym and show face. I still had to have a presence. That imbalance. Trainers, a lot of times, they will work these early morning shifts, then they'll have a gap in the middle of the day, then maybe they'll have a lunchtime appointment or two, then another short little gap, then they'll have nighttime appointments. That is a key to burnout. That is the fastest way to destroy yourself, to work these split shifts. But a lot of people do it. As an entrepreneur, especially in an online space, it's easy to work all the time. There's always something to be done. And if you do not have your own boundaries about what you are willing to do or not for your business, for the projects, for the offers, for your accountant, for your lawyer, for your website, for this, for that, you're gonna burn yourself out. So I want you to remember to take a little bit of time out for yourself each day because when you do that, you're serving your loved ones and the people that are on the next layer of your life, like your acquaintances, your network, your community, your coworkers. And it is a ripple effect. It starts with you, and it's a ripple effect that hits everyone else. And believe me when I tell you that it is a palpable thing. You can really feel it. I hope that this episode has been helpful for you. Thank you for allowing me to share my thoughts and to talk to you a little bit about this program that I've been putting together. I've been working on it for quite some time now, and it's exciting for me to see it actually come to life. I'm also very scared, and I have butterflies in my stomach and my heart's in my throat because I'm putting myself out there yet again. But the truth is, if I don't do it, I will always have this nagging sort of feeling inside, like, but there's something, almost like there's something that I didn't finish. And it's really important to me to see things through to the end, to see things through a full life cycle, to finish the job that you started instead of always jumping ship and ping-ponging from thing to thing to thing to thing to thing to thing and leaving half of the projects undone. I believe that if it doesn't serve you, yeah, you should walk away from something. However, there is something to be said for commitment. There is something to be said for getting yourself on the hook, for holding yourself accountable, for having the discipline to show up every day and do the work that you said you were going to do and see it through because that's valuable. I appreciate your time and attention. As always, if this episode resonated with you, please follow along on the show and maybe give me a rating andor a review. It helps when you do that to bump me through the podcast algorithm so that other people can find the show and then I can help my get my message out there to more people, just like you. Thank you for being here. I'll catch you on the next one.