75. Why Not Me and What I Did About It

We get real about what happens when life feels unfair and success around us triggers jealousy, anger, and FOMO. 

We talk through how to acknowledge those emotions without self-gaslighting and how to turn comparison into focused action in business and training. 
• seeing online success and feeling triggered 
• asking “why not me” without spiralling 
• spotting victimhood energy and shifting it 
• building agency through reps and practice 
• using the gym as a mirror for progress 
• logging off to protect peace 
• letting hard feelings exist like grief 
• choosing priorities when goals compete 

If you want the deeper lessons behind strength training, join my newsletter called Between Reps: Building the Unbreakable Woman. Check it out HERE

Instagram: www.instagram.com/tianamoves

Website: unbreakablemb.com

Email: info@unbreakablemb.com

Grab my new Strength Training Program: HERE

Disclaimer: This show is for education and entertainment purposes only.  This is not intended as a replacement for therapy. Please seek out the help of a professional to assist you with your specific situation.

Transcript

Mentors And A Big New Offer

Jealousy FOMO And The Why Not Me

Comparison As Data In Fitness

Feelings Without Self Gaslighting

Priorities In Training And Business

Newsletter Program And Wrap

SPEAKER_00 0:07

Welcome to the Unbreakable Mind and Body Podcast. I am your host, Tiana Gonzalez, a multi-passionate creative, storyteller, and entrepreneur with a fierce love for movement. This is our space for powerful stories and actionable strategies to help you build mental resilience and elevate your self-care practice. Together, we will unlock the tools that you need to create an unbreakable mind and body. Welcome back to the show. I am your host, Tiana, and on this episode, we're gonna talk about how life is sometimes not fair. And by the end of this episode, I'm going to share with you a way to cope with those feelings when they come up for you, and I'm sure they will, or they have in the past, and when they resurface, what to do with those feelings. All right. So this episode is off the cuff. I have three sentences written down in my notebook in front of me. Typically, when I'm recording these um podcast episodes, I have a nice long outline laid out before me. I try not to read off of the outline because that actually throws off my flow. And I do much better when I can speak freely and just riff because this is me raw and unfiltered. Now, if you've been with me for any amount of time, you know that most of these episodes are not edited at all. I may occasionally hit stop and clip any sections of the show where maybe an ambulance or a fire truck goes by because I do live in a small city, or if my neighbor decides that it's time for her to vacuum and renovate her apartment upstairs. But for the most part, I chose after the first few episodes that I wanted to give this to you as raw and unfiltered as possible because this is our space and our conversation. We're sitting in a coffee shop or we're sitting in a lounge, we're having an intimate moment, just you and me. All right. Now, what is the inspiration for this episode? So I am someone who is consistently investing in my business and investing in my development. Uh right now I have a mentor and I'm in her mastermind. She is amazing. And we are working on a very big project together. She is helping me put together my next offer as well as how I want to position myself, my branding, how I want to facilitate the offer. And I'm going to be flying out to see her in July for a weekend long brand shoot. I'm so pumped and excited for that. But prior to working with this woman, I worked with someone last year. And I have to say, I'm still connected to that person. I'm still in one of her course uh communities on a platform. So I'm still actively involved. But I wouldn't necessarily say that I'm mentored by this woman. She's amazing. She has a great business. Uh, she is teaching entrepreneurs all over the world about how to regulate their nervous system, how to work on their relationship with money, how to master that, and then also how to build an irresistible offer where you could teach one to many and you combine the business and the strategy with the nervous system regulation and the mindset work. And it's amazing. So this woman, her name's Jamie, she's awesome. She recently had posted some content and some highlight reels from a mastermind that she attended. And I will tell you straight up that seeing this content online really triggered me. And I'm not ashamed to admit that I was a little jealous. I felt FOMO. I was a little bit set off because not because I was comparing myself, but because it was the kind of event that I want to be a part of. And not only was this amazing woman who I'm learning from a part of this uh weekend experience, but there were a lot of other highly successful female entrepreneurs in the online space who have really built a brand and a name for themselves, and they were all congregated together. So I was seeing pieces of content from multiple people online, and it made me feel some type of way because I want to be at that level and I want to get there. And I'm super frustrated that I'm not there yet. And what's even more frustrating is that I have tried and tried and tried again, and I had the first idea to be an online business owner way back in the day. We're talking like 2009, 2010. So to see people who started way after me and have so much huge success before me is really it's frustrating. It made me mad. It made me want to like kick a hole in the wall. And again, it's not about the other people. Each woman in this weekend retreat is amazing on her own. And then the collaborative energy, I'm sure, was incredibly powerful and potent. But it made me stop and ask myself, like, what is going on with me? Why not me? And when I say, why not me? It's not from a negative tone, but it's more of like, what can I learn from this? How can I embody some of this? Where can I take pieces of some of the things that I'm seeing and incorporate it into my own brand, into my own business, into my own teachings, into my own presence, whether it's online and or in person, to achieve that level of greatness. How do I get there? And that right there is actually part of the problem. Because there is this little bitty like vibration of victimhood, of feeling sorry for myself, of you know, deconstructing myself, of ripping myself to shreds. And let me tell you, I don't need anyone external to do that. I can do that well enough all on my own. In fact, that is something that I have had to work tremendously as far as working through it with Jamie. Like she's actually the woman who has helped me sort through what is it I'm feeling and how to navigate those emotions. And then what kind of questions can I ask myself so that I can transmute that energy and then do something with it. Now I know this may sound a little woo-woo for some of you, but if you know me at all, you know that I combine the strategy and the practical with a whole lot of woo, the law of attraction, the law of assumption, positive mindset. And I believe that you can manifest your own life. It's not always easy, but it can be done. And so I was just really blown away at how triggered I felt. And it made me realize wow, I still have some work to do because I should be happy to see stuff like this. I should feel inspired to see women that I look up to collaborating and working together. I should be motivated by this, and I am, and still it stings and it makes me wonder what's wrong with me? You know? Now, why am I sharing this with you? Because I know that for some of you listening, this may be relatable to how you're feeling in your fitness journey. You're smart enough to figure it out, you are fully capable of getting yourself there. But maybe you don't have what I like to call the agency just yet. Maybe you haven't put it into practice yet. And there is a huge difference between being able to consume information and conceptualize it, and then actually getting it down into your body and moving through it, putting it into play, right? So you could be someone who watches a sports game on TV, maybe the Yankees, and you know, oh, well, the third baseman could have done this, and the shortstop could have done that. But all of that is after the fact. It's what we call hindsight. But if you were to actually go out onto the field and play, you'd get slaughtered. But it's through the act of actually getting out there and playing the game that you you build up enough reps that you get enough practice in, that you refine your craft, that you learn what are the things that are important to you and what are your convictions, what are your um non-negotiables, and what are the things that are actually valuable in order for you to progress. So it's the same thing in the gym. You might be looking at somebody else your age and comparing yourself and feeling like shit about it, and that's valid. Doesn't mean you're putting yourself in your victim mode, but it's what you do with that thought and with those feelings and with that information. That's how you change the game. So I see these videos from multiple people. It was so annoying, honestly, because they were all posting it like all at the same time. So my feed was just like one after the other, after the other, after the other. And I was like, okay, I need to just log off of Instagram right now. And I did. I actually decided to turn off notifications on Instagram, and I gotta tell you, it has been one of the best things I have ever done. I'm probably gonna keep it that way long term until I decide to put a new offer and launch something out into the world, and then I'll have to turn them back on. But until then, it's all about keeping the peace, it's all about staying sane, it's all about recognizing that I only need to focus on my own paper and moving myself forward. It doesn't matter what all these other amazing women do. I'm grateful that they do it. I'm glad that they are the ones trying things out and they are setting, you know, the path forward. But it doesn't mean shit until I actually try, until I take my steps and until I put myself out there. And it's the same for you. So when you're thinking about you want to put on muscle mass, when you're thinking about you want to actually get stronger, when you are looking at, you know, the workouts you've been doing for the last several weeks or months, or maybe even a year or two, and saying to yourself, well, I actually have just been going through the motions. I haven't actually really made any sort of progress. I don't feel any stronger, I don't look any different. What's gonna change? And it's when you start implementing those changes that you really will start to see what works for you, what doesn't, what moves the needle forward, what's a waste of time, and what could you totally do away with? All of that's fine, except I did shed a tear or two today as I was trying to come up with what to talk about on today's uh recording session. I got really upset because I said to myself, you know, nothing has ever come easy for me. Everything I have, I've had to work my ass off for and it fucking sucks. And now everything I've learned about the law of attraction would say, oh no, no, no, don't sit in that feeling for too long because you're just gonna attract more of what sucks into your life. But isn't that a form of gaslighting yourself? See when you think about your mindset and being positive, you don't want to be so like falsely positive that you end up sort of lying to yourself. It's almost like, you know, I don't know, when you're with your kids and you're like, all right, we're leaving in three minutes, we're leaving in two minutes, and the kids are in total denial that you're leaving at all. And then it's like, nope, we said we were leaving. Ah, and then they start screaming and crying and they're upset. But you've been giving them warnings all along for five minutes, four minutes, counting it down. It doesn't matter when it's time to go, they're really upset. And it's like, this is literally the same thing. So are we gonna gaslight ourselves and be like, I am not in my victimhood. I am, I don't feel sorry for myself and I don't want to feel bad. Or are we gonna say, okay, I see you, I see the shitty feeling, I acknowledge it. I don't want to feel this way, but I also have to recognize that I have to sit in it and let it kind of take up space for a little while. Otherwise, I'm not gonna progress. I'm not gonna move forward. I'm not gonna be able to let go of it. It's kind of like when you are going through a really hard situation or you're upset, it's like grief. If you do not allow yourself to feel those feelings when they bubble up, they're not really gonna go anywhere. You're just gonna kind of stay in limbo and they're gonna bubble up and resurface whenever they feel like it. And that's awful. And here's the thing whatever it is you want, whatever that process is or that big project, it's gonna take as long as it's gonna take. So you can choose to be pissed off about it and let that fuel you, or you can choose to be pissed off about it and stay exactly the same. It's really up to you. And this is not gaslighting you in any sort of way. This is just keeping it real. So when you find yourself in that situation, maybe you've felt something similar. Maybe you've looked at my social media, been like, this is not fair. Look at you know what she's done, or look at the story that she shared and like how she got through it and how come she got through it so easily and I didn't. Well, I'm promising you, it was never easy. It's never been easy. But when you do find yourself feeling that way, first recognize that you are comparing yourself and you are making up a narrative about the other party that you do not know is true. You do not know what that person has been through, you don't know what their life is like behind closed doors, you don't know what they're internally struggling with, you don't know where they started from, and no one walks the same path. So, first keep that in mind. Secondly, you have to decide that what you're working on, what you're working towards, or that big project or goal is so fucking important to you that nothing else matters and you can focus on that 100%. So where I work at this gym, there's a group of people who are competing in a bodybuilding show very soon. And it's a small group of people on my team. And I will say probably a handful of them are also trying to grow their business at the gym. And can it be done? Can you be in a bodybuilding show prep and grow your business? Yes, you can. But I'm gonna be real with you, as always, it's incredibly difficult to do that. So one of these two things is always going to suffer. And it's really up to those individuals to decide, like, hey, in this moment, what's gonna be most important for me? Now, as you get closer and closer to show day, unfortunately, that is what takes priority because the show's gonna come and go. And if you're not ready, you're not gonna do well. But if you're growing your business, you also have to recognize that in fitness, personal training can be a little bit seasonal. And the area where I live in, we have clients that are so well off, they can literally put their membership on freeze for months at a time and just go travel and go to Europe, go overseas, go on a cruise, go to Asia. Like I, it's I it's it's incredible. I mean, it's part of the reason why I put myself back in this environment because it's I don't see any of my clients any differently from myself, but it's amazing to hear their stories and hear about their success and to use that to drive me and to fuel me to work harder and move forward. Same thing with my coach Jamie, who I worked with all of 2025. She's an incredible human being. She's so generous, she's so caring, she's so giving. And it was her and like 15 of these, I don't know, they're like eight-figure founders, some crazy amount of wealth. And I'm sure all of them combined is even crazier. And I could only dream of accomplishing that one day. And I really do hope that I could someday either host or be a part of a collective just like that. But even if I don't, it's the journey and it's the process and it's the path of trying to get there. That's really the most rewarding part. So you can choose to be bitter or you can choose to let it fuel you to make you better. It's really up to you. I'm gonna wrap this episode here. This one's a little bit shorter than some of my more recent episodes, but totally riffing, off the cuff, no notes, no outline, no script. It's just me and you. And oh, I wanted to share also, I have decided to move my newsletter to an email format. So if you check the show notes, you'll see how you can subscribe to my email newsletter, which is called Between Reps, Building the Unbreakable Woman. You can also find me on my social media and you can check out a brand new program that I recently launched, and it's called Lift Like You Mean It. So check the show notes for all those details, and I'll see you on the next one.