80. Small Deposits of Confidence

You've been waiting to feel ready. 

You've been waiting for confidence to show up first, hand you a clipboard, and tell you it's safe to trust yourself. 

I want to hold your hand when I tell you — that's not how it works. 

Confidence is not a feeling that arrives. It's a stack of receipts you build, one small deposit at a time. In this episode, I'm walking you through what those deposits actually look like in the gym (and outside of it), why strength training is one of the most honest classrooms for learning self-trust, and the one tiny thing I want you to do this week to start counting the evidence you've already been collecting. 

Hit play. 

The confidence clipboard is not coming. 

You are.

If you want the deeper lessons behind strength training, join my newsletter called Between Reps: Building the Unbreakable Woman. Check it out HERE

Instagram: www.instagram.com/tianamoves

Website: unbreakablemb.com

Email: info@unbreakablemb.com

Disclaimer: This show is for education and entertainment purposes only.  This is not intended as a replacement for therapy. Please seek out the help of a professional to assist you with your specific situation.

Transcript

Welcome And The Core Promise

SPEAKER_00 0:07

Welcome to the Unbreakable Mind and Body Podcast. I am your host, Tiana Gonzalez, a multi-passionate creative, storyteller, and entrepreneur with a fierce love for movement. This is our space for powerful stories and actionable strategies to help you build mental resilience and elevate your self-care practice. Together, we will unlock the tools that you need to create an unbreakable mind and body. Welcome to the show. I'm your host, Tiana. And yes, I am a multi-passionate creative, but what does that really mean? Well, I am a strength coach. I host this awesome podcast. I love to write, I dance, I sing, I paint, I love to connect with like-minded individuals, and I'm always keeping myself busy with some type of hobby, task, or learning or in some sort of mentorship or program. I am a student of the game, I'm a student of life. And I'm here to tell you that

Confidence Comes From Action

SPEAKER_00 1:12

you can build your confidence with small little deposits every single day without having to take on anything new, without having to flip your life on its head. You do not need to wait until you're ready to do the things that you want to do. And you accomplish that by getting the confidence through doing the action. Now, for years, I always was the person who would wait until I felt ready to do something. I felt confidence was something that was just going to show up at my door one day and hand me a clipboard and say, hey, now you can trust yourself. Now you can go out into the world and do that thing. You know what never came. Not like that. And what I learned slowly over the years, rep by rep, set by set, workout by workout, is that confidence is not a feeling that you wait for. It's a stack of receipts that you build by doing the thing. Now I know that a lot of us believed, or we still do believe in some way, shape, or form, that confidence is a feeling that arrives before the action. And that belief is really seductive. It it kind of lets you off the hook. You don't have to do the hard thing today because you don't have the confidence. So it gives you that permission slip to sort of take take a seat, to step back, to shy away, to not speak up and advocate for yourself and take an attempt at the thing that you really want to do. But if you think about it, even when you're doing everything right, even when you're checking all of the boxes, you might not trust yourself even through all of that. And the thing that I missed in my own journey is that even when I was already making these deposits in my life, in whatever projects I was working on, I was so focused and also beating myself up for the lack

Gym Identity And Comparison Trap

SPEAKER_00 3:18

that I was missing all of the good things happening around me. So let's paint the scene here because I've I think I have about 30, almost 31 years of experience of lifting weights, training, writing diets, workouts, meal plans. A lot of it in the early years was self-experimentation. Uh, I would carry around a nutrition almanac. I had a few different lifting books that I would keep in my gym bag. I also collected tons of different fitness magazines. And in those magazines, there would always be photos spreads of beautiful men and women and these fitness models with these beautiful physiques. I would rip out their photos, I'd paste them up on my wall. Sometimes I would have photos autographed and framed if I went to a fitness expo and I got to meet some of the IFBB pros at the time. And I'm looking at these photos while also packing my meals every day, going to the gym after work. So this was a couple of years into my journey at this point. Um I had my own gym membership and I used to work not too far from where my gym was, but I didn't have my own car. So I would take the bus to the gym. And then sometimes I would walk home from the gym, which was a pretty decent walk. It probably took me about 30 to 45 minutes, or sometimes I get a ride home, or sometimes someone would pick me up. But that's a sidebar. I would be committed to the process, right? So I'm packing my meals, I'm going to work, I'm going to the gym right from work, working out, coming home, trying to learn how to eat properly. All the structure, all of the discipline, all of the right inputs. And underneath all of that, I was still waiting to feel like something else. I was still waiting to feel like the women I was admiring, like a lifter, like a bodybuilder, like not someone who just works out, but as someone who lifts. And I wanted to feel like I belonged in the gym. It took me quite some time to realize that it wasn't something I was gonna actually feel by someone telling me or labeling me or giving me the title. It was something that I was gonna have to create for myself. It came from within. So if I didn't feel like I was a lifter, that's because I was telling myself I was not that. Now, maybe on the outside I didn't look like some of the women in the magazines, but unbeknownst to me at the time, I didn't realize until several years later that even the models in the magazine don't look like themselves every day. They get in shape for these photo shoots. A lot of times, if they're a competitor, they are doing photo shoots a few weeks out from their competition where they're gonna get on stage. So they're already lean, they already have a tan, they're already posing all of the time. So the posing for the photos is not anything crazy for them because they're already practicing doing their posing for the stage, which is significantly harder. And so I didn't know. I thought that that's what these people looked like all year round. So I'm comparing myself to something that's not sustainable and beating myself up about it. I also felt really lonely for some of that time because, you know, my dad was in prison and that was weighing on me, and I was feeling like I was holding

Pressure And Quiet Progress

SPEAKER_00 7:06

a lot, and I didn't have anywhere to turn. So I had the job, I had the bus, I had the gym, I had the diet, I was really trying to force a lot of things to happen. I would do whatever I could to sort of shave off any excess stuff or weight and really stay focused on my career, on my health and fitness, on all my workouts, but also on going to see my dad, getting calls from him, writing him letters, and of course, going to visit him. So there was a lot of pressure there, and a lot of it was self-imposed from my health and fitness journey. Now, what I didn't realize at the time, but looking back, I can see it, is that every single step throughout that process, I was making small little deposits into the confidence bank. Every time I did go to the gym, even when it was bad weather and I had to walk home in the rain, every time I did eat healthy, even when my coworkers were going to TGI Fridays or to go have pizza, and I had my Tupper with my healthy food in it, and I sat it out. You know, there were a lot of instances. I could be here all day talking about that, but what I didn't realize back then that I know now is all of those small little steps were building my confidence quietly. And for you, what this could look like would be showing up to the gym on a day you don't want

Small Deposits Build Self Trust

SPEAKER_00 8:44

to, adding a little bit more weight to an exercise that you kind of plateaued at. What about keeping a promise to yourself? Doing the thing you don't want to do, but you do it anyway, because you are gonna feel like shit if you go to bed knowing that you didn't give something your all or you didn't maintain your integrity. And we could also think about when you're actually in the gym and you're supposed to be doing 10 reps, but you get to seven and it feels really hard. And so you just let it go. And you know, even though it was really hard, you probably could have forced at least two more reps, maybe even three, to get to that 10. But you sold yourself short. You phoned it in. Nobody's looking, no one's gonna know. But you know, and each of these small little things, these small little examples that I just rattled off, they all culminate into one big building of self-trust. And none of them feel really impressive or massive in each of those separate moments, but when you put it all together, it is pretty massive. And here's the thing every time you do one of those things, your brain is quietly filing it away. And what's happening is you're building your self-trust. You are keeping your promise to yourself, and that is priceless.

Saying Yes To A Scary Opportunity

SPEAKER_00 10:24

In a full transparent share, I will say that I had an opportunity presented to me in early March, and I knew immediately that it was something that I wanted to do. And years and years ago in the past, when I was presented with something similar, I would sit on it, I would deliberate, I would weigh out the pros and the cons. I'd do my research, I'd try to talk myself out of it. I would tell myself, you know, it's a huge investment, and you know, there's no guarantees, you're gonna get anything on your returns on this. And what if it doesn't work out? And I will tell you this particular instance, this past March in 2026, a woman I highly respect approached me and she invited me into her mastermind. And we had a brief email exchange. She made a custom video presentation for me specifically. It was a personalized invitation. I was so impressed by that touch, and everything she offered in her program were things that I wanted to learn, things that I thought I needed, and things that I felt ready to take action on. And I will tell you, it was so freaking scary because it was probably one of the biggest investments I've ever made. And I did it. Now, she was generous enough to offer a payment plan. So instead of having to do one big lump sum pay in full, I'm doing six smaller payments, which feels a little bit better for me and it's a little bit more comfortable to manage. But I had no second thoughts, not once. I didn't pull the trigger and then have buyer's remorse. I didn't try to talk myself out of it. I didn't look for any loopholes in the contract language. I just said, no, I want to do this. This is really important to me. And regardless of the outcome of my partnership with this woman and everything she's going to teach me, I know that if I don't do this, I will regret it for the rest of my life. See, that's where you know it's important to you. And this connects to our conversation because I had the confidence to say yes. I had the confidence in myself. Now, on our phone call, when we discussed some of the details, I did get sensitive and emotional, and I did say, I don't know if I'm ready, but I want to do this. And she reassured me, you're ready. And I'm I'm just learning. I'm learning at like a rapid pace so much from her, and it's great. But if I had not done some of the work, some of these small little things like doing things on days you don't want to and keeping your promise to yourself, it is possible that I would not have been ready when this invitation came to me.

The Barbell As An Honest Mirror

SPEAKER_00 13:48

So let's tie this in to my favorite subject to talk about, which is strength training and why I think the bar, meaning the barbell, is one of the most honest mirrors that you will ever have. And if you go to a gym, you have access to it, it doesn't require any additional investment. But strength training is so uniquely honest with you because the weight is always a static thing, meaning 45 pounds last week is 45 pounds today, and it will be the same tomorrow and the week after that. So whether it moves or it doesn't, there's no faking it, there's no maneuvering, there's no spinning, there's no waiting for permission. You either lift it or you don't. And it doesn't care about how you feel. It is a simple, transparent, evident, static thing. It doesn't care how you feel, it tells you the truth. It's not gonna argue with you, it's gonna tell you the truth. It's not gonna reason with you, it's gonna give you the truth. And every time that you complete your workout, your sets, your reps, you're making those deposits. It happened. Your body did it. You can feel the evidence in your body. You know when you get to the end of the workout, you did the best that you could on that day. And that is all that you can ever ask yourself to do. So this is why when you strength train, it rewires your brain because you're building that self-trust in a way that few other practices do. The feedback is immediate. You get the physical feedback, you get the emotional feedback, you have the undeniable knowledge at the end of the workout that you did the thing. And this is really something special and really something amazing. And I think that, yeah, you could probably say any sort of physical activity is gonna be the same thing. You either do it or you don't. But I believe personally that strength training is unique in the sense that the weight is the weight and the weight is always gonna be the weight. Who you are and how you show up and what you choose to do, those are the variables. Now, on a

Midyear Goals And Life Seasons

SPEAKER_00 16:26

side note, I want you to think about some of the things that are important to you and think about what you'd like to accomplish before the end of this year. So at the time of this recording, it's mid-May 2026. You have well over half a year, and I I don't want to sound cliche in the sense of like, oh, it's cute too. Are you on your way with your resolutions that you made in January or the goals that you set up for yourself? Some people don't really believe in that. I personally feel goals are helpful because it's a way to keep you accountable. It's also a way for you to capture what's important to you. So you write it down, you look at it, you decide if you want to go for it. Maybe you shuffle the deck and reprioritize what's most important to you. And if you're someone like me, you have seasons in your life. So as a coach at a gym, obviously we have a few slower months, we have a few busier months, and and quite frankly, it's somewhat predictable, but it's not what most people think. A lot of people think January is the busiest month of the year, and that's actually not true. February is very busy. January is busy, but it's a lot of new joins that come to the gym. They're not necessarily ready to commit to personal training. So that's like a whole other conversation. But February starts to get busy. March is a little bit busier, usually, April a little bit busier, May is gets May gets super busy, but then June, July, and August are a bit unpredictable. September is also a very busy month. It's almost like a new year, like a second new year, because that's when typically in the Northeast kids go back to school, schedules are changing again, and so there's another season change. And then you have October, most of November, and then you get into the holidays. And so that's also hit or miss. And when you're thinking about seasons and you're thinking about what's important to you, I think that having those goals can be helpful. So, what are the things that you set out to do in this year? And are you on track or close to accomplishing them? And if not, why? Maybe it's not important to you anymore, like it was back in January or last December. And if that's the case, take it off the list. So you don't beat yourself up, so you don't feel badly about it, so you don't guilt trip yourself. And then focus on the things that you do want to do. Focus on the things that make you feel good, focus on the things that you

Returning To Running And A 10K

SPEAKER_00 19:18

are passionate about, and then double down on those things. Because that's also going to help you build your confidence, whether it's inside of the gym strength training or maybe it's something else. I'm picking back up my running habit. Many of you don't know this, but I used to run outside all of the time. So back in, I would say 2017, 2018, I used to run outside a lot. Even in the winter, even in the snow, I would bundle up, put a hat and gloves on, and get out there and run. And um, I wound up having a surgery at the end of 2018. So it sort of knocked me into the sidelines for a while. And then during COVID, I picked up running outside again. And I remember the very first time that I went out for a run in April of 2020. I went out, I did seven miles. I mean, it was painful and it wasn't fast, but I completed seven miles and I was pretty darn impressed with myself. So I continued my running journey in 2020, but of course, as with anything, we all had to get back to reality. Schedules got busier, and I did not have the time or the desire. Um, I'm a little bit more protective of my safety now. So there are certain places I will not go that I used to go. And um, I just need to feel comfortable wherever I'm choosing to exercise. So a lot of times I'll just run on the treadmill. Now, the running on the treadmill has been a thing on and off forever, but outside is a whole different animal. And by the way, I highly encourage it. Even if you're not someone who is a quote unquote runner and you don't like running, you can learn to like it and you can fall in love with the way it makes you feel afterwards. That's really the best part of the whole thing. So I'm resuming some outdoor exercise. I'm very excited about it because I haven't competed in anything athletic in quite some time. The last time I competed was uh around Halloween in 2022. I did a powerlifting meet. That was a lot of fun, um, a lot of hard work, and I'm ready for something new. So I've never done an official 10K. I have done a couple of 5Ks in the past, but I'm ready to do a 10K. And who knows, maybe this will become a new passion of mine. But I'm so excited about it, and it's still going to continue. To make those small deposits into the confidence bank. Now, running is pretty straightforward, but there are a lot of technical aspects to it, especially when you're outside. You want to think about hydration, you want to think about the time of day, the temperature, the humidity, your footwear, making sure you're dressed properly, all of that good stuff. And I think it will be very good for me to get back into it and get myself back outside a little bit more. Obviously, feeling safe wherever I'm gonna do that. But now let's get back to

Action Items To Push Past Plateaus

SPEAKER_00 22:32

you because I have some action items for you after this episode to think about. Now, the first thing I want you to do is think about something that you've been circling. Maybe it's a lift or a specific exercise or it's an activity. And it's something that you're already doing. It's not something that you want to do or that you used to do and haven't done anymore. This is something you're actually doing right now. Okay, find whatever that activity is. Are you actually pushing yourself while you're doing it? So if it's a lift, have you been stuck at the same weight for a couple weeks or maybe even months? And I want to ask you, what would it take for you to maybe add a little bit more weight to that exercise? This week, I want you to try that. That's a deposit. See how as soon as I say that, your brain is like ch-ching literally. Now, before that, what I want you to do when you are about to start that set, even if you don't feel ready, you just need to do one rep at that heavier weight. Your confidence will catch up with you afterwards. You may not feel ready, you might feel scared, you might want to get someone to spot you. That's fine. Maybe just increase the weight a little bit so you're not really scared and overwhelmed and intimidated. But I want you to at least feel what that weight is going to feel like on your body. So I will share another story with you. When I

Partial Reps To Build Courage

SPEAKER_00 24:06

first got into power lifting, which was back in 2014, I had to retrain myself how to squat because I had really incredibly tight hips and excessive lean forward because I have a short torso and a really long femur bone, and I have tight ankles and feet. I still do have all of that. However, I've learned how to work with it and I've been slamming the mobility since then, 12 years. And so I remember at one point the people I was training with wanted me to do to do a squat at a much heavier weight. I think like 225. I was fucking terrified. I think at that point I had only gotten up to like 175. So I was absolutely scared to put 245s on the bar and try to squat. Wait, is that 225? Yes. 245 plates on the barbell is 240, is 225, excuse me, 225 pounds. And what we did was we took pins and put them up high in the squat rack. So the barbell, when I got into the squat rack, it was more of like the square cage box type of squat rack. And we had safety bars and they were up pretty high. So I got in underneath the bar and I stood up for part of the squat, but I didn't actually squat all the way down. So I was really only feeling the weight and the load on my body, on my back for the top portion of the lift. And if you don't lift weights, what are you waiting for? But besides that, think about seeing somebody doing a squat and when they're coming out from the bottom to stand back up, it's just that top sort of quarter of the range of motion. That's what I'm talking about here. And the reason why we did it that way was so that I could mentally and physically prepare for what that weight was going to feel like on my body. That way, the next time I did it, it wouldn't feel like a complete shock. Now, I've talked about this in some other episodes where I'll be training somebody and I'll say, All right, go grab the 45-pound dumbbells, and they will pick it up off the rack. And before they even try what I'm asking them to do, they're like, oh no, it's too heavy. It feels too heavy. No, it's not. It is heavy, but it's not too heavy. So I want you to find that courage, get a spotter, maybe do a partial rep if you need to. Feel what that weight is going to feel like on your body, and then walk away from it. That's it. You just do like one attempt and walk away. Then the next week you're going to do that again. I want you to push yourself just a little bit more. Now remember, this is under the assumption that you are already somebody who's active and

Train Safely And Closing Requests

SPEAKER_00 27:06

is working out. If you do not exercise, please do not just go into the gym and try this. I would like you to go see your doctor, make sure you have medical clearance, and then talk to somebody in person in your orbit that can be a set of eyes for you to help you to make sure that you do this safely and properly. Now, remember the clipboard and the magic is not just going to show up at your door. That confidence clipboard I was talking about at the introduction of this episode. Nobody's just gonna walk into your gym and save you or rescue you or tell you, anoint you and tell you that you have passed and moved on, and you now have the confidence to do what you've always wanted to do. Screw that. You can do it right now. Every time you show up to the gym, every time you do a hard workout, every time you do that hard thing, you are building your self-trust. And the more that you do it, the stronger you become, the more confident you become, and the better your life will be. And I know that that sounds a little out there, but I firmly believe this. I believe that strength training is the gateway to a healthy and long-lasting life. It's never too late to start, and you will thrive if you stay committed to the process. That is all I have for you on this episode. I hope that you enjoyed it. And if you have any questions, you want to stay in touch with me, you would like to subscribe to my newsletter, please check the show notes for all of that juicy information so that we can stay in touch with each other. And if you enjoyed this episode, please do me a favor and rate this episode and rate the show and give me a review. It truly helps for getting visibility so that other amazing human beings can join our community. As always, I appreciate your time and attention, and I will catch you on the next one.