85. How Do You Develop Unwavering Self Faith?

In the summer of 2024, I quit my job with no plan and no safety net. People called it reckless. What they didn't know is that I'd already trusted myself with multiple times before — getting out of an abusive relationship in 2003, rebuilding my health for years after pushing my body through competitive bodybuilding prep, and many many more 

This episode walks through several chapters and the one thread that connects them: faith in yourself doesn't come first, you have to do the thing and then you build that faith and trust.

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Disclaimer: This show is for education and entertainment purposes only.  This is not intended as a replacement for therapy. Please seek out the help of a professional to assist you with your specific situation.

Transcript

Welcome And The Unbreakable Mission

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Welcome to the Unbreakable Mind and Body Podcast. I am your host, Tiana Gonzalez, a multi-passionate creative, storyteller, and entrepreneur with a fierce love for movement. This is our space for powerful stories and actionable strategies to help you build mental resilience and elevate your self-care practice. Together, we will unlock the tools that you need to create an unbreakable mind and body. Welcome back to the show. I'm your host, Tiana.

Quitting A Toxic Job With No Plan

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Now, in summer of 2024, I quit my job. I had no backup plan. I had no job lined up, no safety net. I just decided I was done working in a toxic industry. Now I bet on myself to figure out the rest, and people around me called it reckless. They said, you know, I didn't, I didn't need to do that. I was taking too many risks, the economy was very unstable. And I knew something that they did not know at the time, but I had bet on myself so many times already, and I always came out on top. So I was able to reflect back on various experiences throughout my life. And in this episode, I'm going to share three different times that I can recall in my life where I had to bet on myself. I had to trust my gut, and I had to have unwavering faith and just know beyond a shadow of a doubt, like I know that the sun rises every morning and sets every night, that I was going to be okay. Now, at the end of this episode, I'm going to tie these three pretty major experiences together so we can find the common thread. And I will give you action items so that you can walk away from this episode, maybe reframing some of the things that you're experiencing right now, and how you can find the common thread among your past experiences and your patterns, so that when you find yourself at a crossroads and you need to make a decision, you can trust your gut, you can bet on yourself, and you can move forward having unwavering faith. So let me paint this picture for you because in 2023 I went back to construction. I've talked about it several times on this show. And I wanted to do that because I have a degree in engineering. I really wanted to get back into learning new things in a new industry or a relatively new industry because I had done stuff in construction in the past, but it felt like I had unfinished business there. And while I did have a flourishing career over a decade actually in commercial real estate property management, those types of projects were more short-term and they were things that could be done rather quickly. They were typically not heavily involved. We didn't have to get an architect or submit drawings. And if a project did end up getting to that point, typically it would be turned over to the project management team. So we had these two departments, property management and project management, that kind of worked side by side. But the scope of work for a capital improvement project was so far greater. And usually the timeline would be anywhere from like three to six months to a year to sometimes even longer than that. And so at that point, that scope is just too big for a property management team to handle because we typically had a lot of odds and ends in smaller projects. So I was super interested in getting back into this. I was hoping that the industry had changed and that there was more of a female presence and influence in the industry. Being a woman of color, I love to represent who I am and where I come from and maybe be looked at as someone who is a leader and who could pave the way for other women like myself. But it didn't work out so well because I believe the first company that hired me just did it so they could fill a requirement, check off a box. They do a lot of work for the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey. And quite frankly, they have requirements. So they need to have a certain percentage of women and minorities on their payroll to even submit a proposal for a project. When they lost one of their bids, I got canned the next day. From there, I was unemployed for about six weeks. And then I found a job at a small little architectural and design uh office not too far from me. I wouldn't even say it's a team because it was really like a one-man show. He had a few supporting people, and it just didn't work out. It was not a good fit. And then from there, I wound up going really long commute to a team out in Long Island, and I was very hopeful. And unfortunately, it was a complete bait and switch. And I know what you're thinking. There's three different jobs. What's the common denominator? The common denominator is me. And I have sat with this for a long time. I've had a lot of unresolved feelings about it because what ended up happening was when I went away to go to PowerMonkey Camp in the spring of 2024, when I returned, I knew I had maybe another week or so left in me at the construction job before I was going to have to make a decision. We were embarking on some newer, bigger projects, which would have required more commitment from me. It was the beginning of the summer, and I wasn't really feeling it. I wasn't appreciating how I was being treated. I was being gaslit left and right. I was being told one thing on one day and then something else the next day. And there was just a lot of inconsistencies from leadership, from management. Payroll wasn't fucking around. And when I returned from camp, I was informed that it was debated while I was away if I should be compensated for the week that I was away at camp because I was a relatively new hire. Even though I informed them during the hiring process that I had this trip planned and it was a commitment and I couldn't change my plans. So again, you see this example of somebody or someone or a team saying, like, yes, that's fine. And then when it comes down to it, it's not fine. And so when you're planning your life and you're thinking about your livelihood and your mental health and your well-being, there's a lot more to it than just a job or just a paycheck. Maybe if I was in my 20s, I would have stuck it out a little bit longer because I was learning things. But being in my late 40s or mid-40s, I was like, fuck this. This is not my retirement plan. This is not my end game. And you know what? I'm seeing a trend in this industry, and maybe it's not a good fit for me. So I'm gonna get out before it's too far gone. And so when I resigned from the job, I did not have a backup plan. I knew my friend wanted to hire me to work as a bartender at his restaurant. I was talking to a friend to do some consulting work for her business. She's an online coach. And so I just dove into those two things with really no idea of how much money I was going to be able to earn or garner or get in order to survive. But somehow it worked out. Now, I will say that I do and did at the time have someone who could help me when I needed financial support. And here's the first sidebar of this episode. That in and of itself is fucking huge for me. I grew up never asking for help, refusing to get help, not knowing how to receive, and saying no because I never wanted to feel like I owed anyone anything. I never wanted to feel indebted to another person, or that I owed someone my time, or that they were gonna phone in a favor at the most inopportune time for me, and I was going to have to do something out of obligation. I don't think anyone enjoys that. And so it was an exercise of me saying, Thank you. I appreciate the gesture and moving on with my life. And that is fucking huge for me. And so did I know that I had a little bit of a cushion? Yes. But I didn't when I decided to quit my job. I actually did not know if that was going to be something I could tap into. And I really did my best. I was working at the restaurant probably three to four nights a week, very late nights, um, making drinks, working different theme parties, helping with events. I even did a little bit of management stuff towards the end of that summer season because they needed the help. And it was a lot on my feet. And it was also a lot of fun. And I remember my friend who had the uh consulting opportunity for me. It was full commission. I didn't get paid very much and it didn't last very long. And I remember, you know, when I said, like, hey, this isn't really working out, she said to me, you know, every time you quit a job, you're starting over at zero. And now you are 45 at the time, and you're starting yourself over again, and you just keep setting yourself back and back and back. Now, she's a business coach, so I was a little taken back by her advice because of all people, she should know that that is absolutely not true. Yeah, maybe I set myself back a little bit, but I wasn't going all the way back to zero. Not all the way back to, let's say, the day after I graduated from college. Absolutely not. Because what about all of the transferable skills, life skills, and lived experiences that I had to tap into? And those lived experiences are the very thing that gave me the courage to stay true to myself in this really stressful, wobbly time in my life. So let's talk about some of those times because it's from my lived experiences, it's from recalling what I felt like in those times and how I got myself out of it that gave me that strength. So

Leaving An Abusive Relationship In 2003

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in 2003, I was getting myself out of a very sticky, messy, volatile, and tumultuous relationship. I had been seeing this man for about a year and a half. I met him at the end of 2001. He was six years older than me. And it was hot and heavy in the beginning, and I was completely love bombed and in my delusional state. I thought that this was normal, you know, for somebody to want to be with me all of the time, to shower me with gifts, to take me out to dinner constantly, to give me all of his attention. And then little by little by little, over time, the things that he initially said he loved about me, how I was independent, I was a hard worker, I put in the time at the gym to take care of myself, that I worked a second job serving beer at a bar in White Plains to have supplemental income because my full-time job was not that great. I mean, I had just graduated college at this point, so I was entry level. And all of those things that he loved about me so much started to bother him, and he started to slowly degrade me and slowly pick me apart bit by bit, piece by piece. It was tactical, it was strategic, it was so manipulative, and above all, it was so controlling. I started to feel like I was being smothered in my own house. Now, at this time, I had a cell phone, but it was common for most people to have a phone in their house, maybe with voicemail or an answering machine. And I remember he was upset with me once, and I was like trying to pinpoint it and figure it out. And then when I checked my answering machines, there was a message on my answering machine from my mother's boyfriend asking if I could pick up a cake for her birthday from a bakery local to where I live. And my boyfriend at the time, this maniac, was pissed off at me that another man, again, my mom's boyfriend, called my phone, left a message, and asked me to do something for him and that he would reimburse me. Where did he get my phone number? Who does he think he is? I mean, it just went on and on. And every single day of this relationship, it was just up and down and sideways. It was the most crazy roller coaster ride of emotions. I have never been in a situation like that since. But in 2003, I had enough. There had been a few instances where things got physical between us. Um there was one instance where my glasses were broken off of my face. There was another instance where I fell to the floor. We were like kind of like, I don't know, maybe wrestling each other or something. And I fell down to the floor and he was kicking me in the ribs. And I am so grateful that I got out of that situation when I did. I do sometimes kick myself for allowing it to go on as long as I did. But when I tell you that this person was like um weeds in a garden, he just would not go away. He just would not leave me alone. And I knew probably, I don't know, I would say about eight months to a year into the relationship, I knew that he didn't love me. I knew that he wasn't in love with me. I knew that he just wanted to control me. You know, I had been easy to manipulate in the beginning of the relationship. And it was just toxic from the start. It slowly maybe the first month was like the honeymoon phase, and then it got toxic real quick. I lost a friendship because of this guy. I was isolated from my family. I remember even at my job, someone had had touched me inappropriately in the office. And I reported it to HR and I reported it to my manager, and I was deathly afraid of him finding out because I didn't want him to retaliate. And this is the kind of person that would do that in a rage, in a fury, fueled by passion and anger. He used to do really stupid things. And I just really didn't want anyone to get hurt. So I kept it to myself. And when I finally got out of that relationship, and I mean, it took a while. It wasn't a clean break. It was probably weeks because he kept coming around and bothering me, or, you know, saying he was gonna ring all of the buzzers in my apartment building at midnight if I didn't let him in to my apartment, or call the police and tell them that I threw him out of his own home, even though he didn't live there. And it was just a fucking nightmare. But I learned and I learned a whole heck of a lot. And primarily what I learned was I never ever want to make anyone feel this way. You see, prior to this relationship, I definitely had a temper, and I probably was toxic in my own ways. I mentioned in an earlier episode on the show that I went on a trip to Puerto Rico with a different person that I was dating several years prior to this incident or to this relationship, and I was pretty toxic on that trip. And so being with this person was almost like, whoa, a huge mirror of the little things about me that I wanted to change and to make better. And the point here of how this connects to my decision in 2024 is that, you know, I was depending on him for some of my bills financially. He had moved in temporarily and then he moved out. And that was part of like his little hook in my back. And I vividly recall him saying to me over the phone, you'll never survive without me. I pay for this, I pay for that. And, you know, of course, the the bills were in my name and he would give me the cash for it, right? And I remember saying to him, I don't care if I'm homeless, I don't care if I lose everything. I will live in a box and it will be my box on the street, and you will not be allowed in it. Stay away from me. Leave me alone. And my saving grace in that whole situation is that my dad got out on parole and he moved in with me. And so that kept this toxic person away. And let me tell you, was it hard financially? Absolutely. Did I have to get another bartending job? Yes. So there was a period of time where I was working Monday through Friday full-time, bartending at one place on Fridays, bartending at another place on Saturdays, and sometimes bartending at another place on Sundays. But I was doing what I had to do to make ends meet and to survive. And when you do something like that, and when you develop that grit, nothing can stand in your way and nothing can stop you. And small things stay small. They don't blow up and become these huge problems because you know you can get through it. Now, another instance where I had to trust my gut was after several years of competing in competitive bodybuilding.

Bodybuilding Burnout And Metabolic Healing

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Now I had done a few shows probably from 2000, where I started the prep in 1999 until about 2003. I took a break for six years and then I got back on the stage in 2009. And from 2009 to 2010, I did five or six shows all very close together. That's a pretty short time frame to put yourself through a prep, you know, rebound a little bit and then go right back into it. And it got to the point where my body was no longer responding. So while I was in preparation for two shows in 2010, and I was riding the wave and the high of doing really well the year prior, winning an overall title, getting a new Facebook group, and I had thousands of friends, quote unquote, and people in the industry, you know, giving me a thumbs up and kudos and congratulations. And I had all this new success and a whole new network. I was in the gym doing two to three hours of cardio per day, seven days a week, and lifting weights anywhere from an hour to 90 minutes, six to seven days a week. You heard me right. I was working out every single day, anywhere from three to five hours, on top of having a full-time job. Now, if you know anything about the human body, it is an amazing, fascinating machine. But the human body adapts. So if you start turning up the heat, it will respond, but then it will adapt. And then you're gonna have to make some or other kind of change. See, change happens when you either apply pressure or you raise the temperature or you change the environment. And so in my case, my body was already so acclimated to doing so much exercise that every time I kept bumping up the exercise and trimming down on the food, I would see a little bit of a return, and then I would continue to plateau. So it was like two steps forward, one step back, two steps forward, one step back. And I'm somebody who doesn't quit. I'm somebody who says, No, I'm gonna see it through. I had already booked my hotel and flight and paid for my show entry. I had my suit, I was getting my tanning stuff, I had all the pieces in place. I just needed to get my body ready and I was not gonna quit. But what happened was I got my pro card, and not too long after that, I wound up seeing the telltale signs of some really serious damage to my metabolism. I had impacted my kidneys, my liver, my My reproductive system, I had fibroids, I was gaining a ton of weight very quickly, and I was still eating on my bodybuilder diet. And there are a lot of people out there that would say, Yeah, right, you probably let yourself go. You know, you were eating pasta every day or you were having tons of carbs. No, no. I stayed on that bodybuilding prep because I was so frightened that if I just released the kraken, all hell was gonna break loose. So, what I mean by that is I got my pro card and I probably had a victory meal or two, and then I was right back to the gym because I had gotten my body so accustomed to operating at a certain level that if you just stop, you're gonna gain a ton of weight almost overnight, seemingly overnight. So you have to ramp it down. And maybe you've heard of what people call a reverse diet. Now, there's mixed thoughts about this reverse diet stuff because some people will say, well, you can reverse diet to try to soften the blow of the rebound after competing. It just means it's good, you're gonna, you're gonna drag it out a little bit longer and you're gonna slowly start to pyramid back down, scaling back on your exercise and slowly eat, including more food, more calories, more nutrients, and then more variety into your diet. So we're talking about you know, food sources, different textures, the way you're preparing your food. At the peak of a bodybuilding show prep, you're eating very simple, very clean, and you're not using a lot of ingredients. You're using a lot of whole foods, and it's very simple. Most people are keeping it simple. They're using either like a really high-quality olive oil or a macadamia nut oil, they're using salt and pepper, and they're keeping their cooking methods very simple. Maybe in a pan, like searing something, using an air fryer, or it's on a grill, or it's baked. It's very, very basic. So when you start adding all these new ingredients and new textures and new flavors, you have to do it slowly. But I did not even try to reverse. I was actually trying to stay as lean as I possibly could. So I was doing all of the exercise and adding just a little bit of variety with my food. And yet, still, six months after I got my pro card, I was about 55 pounds heavier than I was on the day of my show. Now, the day of my show, I weighed probably around 110 pounds when I got the pro card. My normal weight was about 121. So, yes, it was a lot heavier than show day, but it was still a lot heavier than my normal weight. And the only thing that I could do, once I slowly started to surrender and I realized that I could not continue operating at that heightened frequency and that intensity level with my workouts, I slowly started to peel back, slowly started to pyramid down, and I just had to let go. And for a solid, I would say two to two and a half years, I lived very uncomfortably in a body that felt like it was completely foreign to me. So my weight was above anything I had ever seen in my life. I think the highest I ever saw on the scale was 165. I am five foot one in height. So for me, weighing 165 pounds was really uncomfortable. It was uncomfortable to walk up and down stairs. I hated the way that I looked. My skin felt really tight because I was so inflamed and just holding a ton of water underneath my skin. I slowly started to heal my body from the inside out. I continued exercising, but I was living in shame. I would go to the gym with a baseball hat pulled all the way down on my face, a hoodie with the strings like tightened right under my chin. I was hiding my complete body. Even in the summer months, I would work out with like a fully zipped up hooded sweatshirt and long pants. Uh, yoga pants that had the foldover waistline were my absolute go-to because they didn't squeeze me or make me feel uncomfortable. And I wound up joining a different gym because I did not want to see everyone that I knew, people who saw me at my absolute best, and now they were gonna see me at what I thought was my absolute worst. But in that time, I knew that I was going to find my way. Where a lot of people would have given up, where a lot of people would say, Oh, this must be your new norm now. You just have to get used to it. I absolutely refused. I said, fuck no, there is no way. I am not going to stay here. I don't care how long it takes me, the time will pass regardless. And I didn't do it from a maniacal sense or from an obsessed sort of controlling sense. I didn't have any sort of messed up relationships with food, thank goodness. Although I do see it all the time, where a bodybuilding show really can exacerbate what someone has going on under the surface. If you have mental health issues, it's certainly not going to make things better for you. If you um have some emotional regulation issues, bodybuilding is gonna make you just lose your mind because you're putting so much pressure on yourself and you're living with tunnel vision for one day, for one moment of a day, and then it's over. And just like that, everybody's forgotten you. The lights go down, the suit gets put back in the closet, and you're left to live with the mess of all of the messed up decisions and choices that you made when you were not thinking straight during your bodybuilding show prep. And I remember people saying, Oh, you know, maybe this is just the new body that you have to live with. You know, you are older now, like it's gonna be a lot harder for you. And I refused to accept that narrative. I refused to listen. I would tell people, you don't know what you're talking about. I would tell people, yeah, that might be true for somebody else, but not for me. And I have to say, it was a few years, but it was really, really, really uncomfortable for me because I felt like I was living in someone else's body. Now I remember vividly in the summer of 2014, I had already changed careers. I had moved into personal training because of my personal experiences. I knew that I had to help other women that were going to be making the same mistakes that I did. That's really what was the um catapult or the thing that like pushed me into getting into fitness full time because this was not my dream gig, let me tell you, not at all. But it ended up being the best thing I could ever do for myself and for other people because I have met so many wonderful human beings and I have helped people to not only just avoid not making the same mistakes that I made, but to share what I experienced in the hopes of maybe shining a light on a situation that they might not see from social media or they might not understand. So anyway, I remember this summer of 2014. Now we're going four years, four years after I got my pro card. And I remember working out, and I was working out at this big box gym I used to work at, which was awesome. I was there for over five years. I loved working there. I had great clients there and they treated me great. But I remember at some point I had to leave because I had outgrown everything. And I remember the summer of 2014. I had been at this gym for probably about six months. I started working there at the end of 2013. And I remember looking at myself in the mirror and saying, Whoa, oh my gosh, wait a minute. I I recognized that reflection for the first time. And at that point, I was probably weighing around 145 pounds. So at the peak, 165, I had dropped about 20 pounds. And was I anywhere near where I wanted to be? No. But did I at least see like a little glimmer of like a jawline? Yes. And just see a little bit of my old shape that I once had, yes. And it made me really happy. Now I know that people are listening to this and I'm talking all about the way I look, but I also felt fabulous. I had been working with a doctor to get everything under control. I did a liver detox. I got my cycle back to normal. I was doing a different type of training. I was just more grounded, more calm, more at peace. And I was a lot happier. So I pursued this thing in bodybuilding, the thing I thought I wanted. And once I got it, it didn't change a fucking thing for me. And it actually brought me, it brought me joy in the moment, but it also brought me a lot of life lessons. And it's through all of those experiences over, I would say, about four years of living in discomfort, of feeling insecure, of basically wearing the same three or four outfits because I refused to buy new clothing, of seeing my reflection and being like, all right, like doing the best I can with what I got right now, and knowing that I was not going to stay there, knowing that I was going to get to a better place, knowing that I was going to heal my body, knowing that I could get myself back to a place where I felt more comfortable, more confident, and felt joy again from the inside out. Now, the last story before I tie all of this together, and I know this episode is a little bit longer, but bear with me. In 2021,

Choosing Distance From A Parent

SPEAKER_00 32:40

that was the last time I saw my dad, and we met for Father's Day. And I realized at the end of that meal that in order for me to move forward with my life, I was gonna have to just remove myself from his. So from 1990 to 2003, when I was first 12 years old until I was 25, I supported my dad. I was his ride or die. I did everything for him. Phone calls, packages, visits, letters. 2003 he gets out of jail. He's on parole for seven years. Who do you think he lived with? Me. That's how I got rid of the ex-boyfriend that I talked about in the first story here. Because my dad moved in with me. Clothes, a phone, a resume, a place to live, food, shelter, protection. And also the big one that I think is easy to miss, I had to reassimilate my dad into the world. When he went to jail, the C D was a brand new device. When he came out of jail, people had phones in their pockets. So it was a world that he did not know. And through the years of him being on parole, I started to really see more about who he was. Now I'm an adult. Now I can't be persuaded, influenced, or manipulated. I could make decisions for myself. I can see what's what. And I remember slowly starting to remove the veil and see who my dad really is. And over the course of time, I mean, he got out on parole in 2003. So I'm talking about 2021. So it's a long period of time, 17, 18 years. And over that period of time, our relationship went through the ringer. It was up, it was down, we didn't talk, we would sometimes talk, but I really started to see who he was. And uh, you know, I don't want to throw anybody under the bus, but there were a few instances where I got screwed over. And I had to come to this realization that my dad is not the person who I thought he was, is not the person who I wanted him to be. And sometimes, and maybe this is relevant for you, you're going to find yourself, you know, wanting to do better in life, wanting to level up. You're taking advantage of those opportunities for upward mobility. And then you go back to your old neighborhood or you go see your cousins or you visit your childhood friends, and somebody says, Man, you've changed. Isn't that the whole point? I don't want to be stagnant. I don't want to stay the same. I want to continue growing and evolving. And if we can do that at the same pace and we're going in the same direction, amazing. But if we're not, that's also okay too. Because I want you to come with me, but I'm not going to drag you. And I'm not saying, please know, I'm not saying that you have to do this and that it makes you a better person. But I know for me, I found myself in a place in life where it felt like every time I was doing just a little bit better, I was getting a phone call about someone needing something, whether it was my time, a ride, to get bailed out, to get given money. And those days are over. Those days are over. In fact, as a young adult, I remember there was a period of time where every guy I met and I would start dating, I would tell him, listen, you get jammed up, you go to jail, you're on your own. I'm done. I am done. I'm never doing that again. Because I did that for 13 years from my father, and then I did it virtually. I never went to visit my brother in jail, but I did it virtually for my brother for another period of time after that. So I am tapped out. Okay. Mm-mm. No more collect calls, no more letters, no more packages, no more visits. No. And then I realized maybe I could have the conversation start off a little bit differently. Maybe I can embody that feeling and that vibe without having to actually say it explicitly in words. But I got to this point in 2021 where I was like, you know what? Things have to change. And the only person that can do that is me.

The Common Thread Of Self Trust

SPEAKER_00 37:33

So now I want to connect the thread here because I know I said a whole heck of a lot. And if you're still with me, thank you so much for your time. Because going back to 2003, getting out of an abusive relationship, 2000 I would say 10, up until about 2014, blindly leading myself through healing my body and my health from the inside out, even though I had absolutely no physical signs or manifestations that it was possible or that I could ever do it. I just had this unwavering faith in myself. And then in 2021, making a very painful decision to go no contact with somebody who I grew up adoring and putting on a pedestal and having to re-evaluate everything in my life and putting me first. And in all three of those instances, those were really difficult choices where I had to say, okay, I have to trust myself here. I don't have any concrete proof of anything, I don't have a roadmap, I don't have signs, I have absolutely nothing guiding me, but I know myself. And I know I can do hard things, and I know that I can trust myself to get through this challenge. And so going back to 2024, which was literally, it was May of 2024. I was just about two years and change ago, I decided to be brave. I decided to take a risk, and I decided to put me first. Because if I stayed at that job in Long Island, it was not gonna get any better. I was commuting 90 minutes each way. I was taking phone calls all morning, all night. I was miserable. And every decision, every move I made in that role that I got hired to do, and then the goalpost kept moving around was being questioned. It was the most insane thing. It was like working for a team of narcissists where like one person said something and then they would gaslight you, and then the next day somebody else would say something and then gaslight you. And I was like, you guys are beyond fucked up. Anyway, we don't need to be complaining about that because it's in my past, and all of those people can go fuck themselves. But we're in a better place because we trusted ourselves. Now I'm saying we because I want you to get a little bit of this vibe of this energy. You can trust yourself. You know when something is not good for you, and you know that you have the ability to make a change. You see, what gets people stuck is that they think they don't have choices. If you're in a toxic situation or if you're in an abusive relationship, it it becomes almost like it's almost like people who get out of prison and then they don't know how to live in the real world. See, that is a huge contributing factor to why so many people end up going back, because the unknown is frightening. It's like releasing an animal that's been raised in captivity into the wild, the likelihood of survival is is pretty slim. It's low because they know nothing else. But if you know yourself, if you know, okay, I got myself out of that shit five years ago, what could I learn from that experience to get myself out of this one now? So on that note, let's talk about three takeaways for you.

Three Takeaways To Act On

SPEAKER_00 41:18

Number one, if you're waiting for proof before you trust yourself, consider this proof comes after you take the leap and almost never before. Think about that. Number two, start tracking your patterns. Look back at moments in your life where you trusted yourself with no confirmation. Can you think of any? Can you look at the patterns? That's your evidence that you can do it again. There's your proof. And then lastly, if you feel like you're protecting yourself from someone or something, a job, a relationship, a family member, reframe it so that you see it as establishing a boundary to put self-trust into action and not as something that you owe an explanation for. Stop saying you're sorry. So again, I would not have been so bold and acted so bravely in 2024 without my past lived experiences to think about, to touch upon, to rely on. And yes, that is what becoming unbreakable really means. It's about knowing that you got yourself. And this is why becoming unbreakable has become my life's mission. This is my life's work. It's not just about teaching women what not to do if they want to do a bodybuilding show, but it's really about teaching women that if they choose to do hard things repeatedly over and over on a consistent basis, they will develop self-trust. They will embody the things that they want, they will understand that they have the agency within and they will develop self-autonomy and not dependency on someone else. See, when you get all of those things down pat, and it is a practice, it's never going to be perfect. But when you get all of those things down pat, you don't need anybody's approval. You don't need anybody's input, you don't need anybody's opinion. Because you got you.

Final Thanks And Rate The Show

SPEAKER_00 43:31

Thank you so much for being here. I really appreciate your time and attention week after week. If you enjoyed this episode, please do me a huge favor and rate the show and give me a couple stars. It helps the show become more visible and discoverable by other amazing people who want to join our community. I appreciate you as always, and I will catch you on the next one.