87. The Comeback Mindset

You walk back into the gym after time off and the first thing you want to say is “sorry.” Sorry you disappeared. Sorry you’re not as strong. Sorry you’re emotional. Sorry you don’t look like you used to. I get why that impulse shows up, but it’s also the fastest way to turn a fresh start into a shame spiral. The truth is simple: the break isn’t the problem. The story you tell yourself about the break is.

Job changes, new commutes, busy summers with kids, and any season where your schedule stops cooperating. I break down how to “play defense,” why going from one day a week to five is a setup, and how to build a training plan that works in your hardest week, not your fantasy week. The main mindset shift is remembering impermanence: the good times pass, the hard times pass, and your identity doesn’t have to be tied to a single standard you made up in your head.

If you’ve been sidelined, start here. Listen, choose one doable workout this week, and let completion be the win. Subscribe and leave a review so more people can find the support they need.

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Disclaimer: This show is for education and entertainment purposes only.  This is not intended as a replacement for therapy. Please seek out the help of a professional to assist you with your specific situation.

Transcript

Welcome And A Client Story

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Welcome to the Unbreakable Mind and Body Podcast. I am your host, Tiana Gonzalez, a multi-passionate creative, storyteller, and entrepreneur with a fierce love for movement. This is our space for powerful stories and actionable strategies to help you build mental resilience and elevate your self-care practice. Together, we will unlock the tools that you need to create an unbreakable mind and body. Welcome back to the show. I am your host, Tiana, and I want to tell you a little story about a client that gave me an apology that she definitely did not owe me. And what we're going to do is first talk about that situation, and then I'm going to tie it in to probably a situation that's relatable to you because I'm sure at one point or another in your life you were sidelined, you were derailed, you had to take a break from something that you love doing. And if it happens to be the gym, then this will be even more relatable. And then you come back. And it's all about how that goes when you first come back to the gym after taking a break, after you've been on that hiatus, and how you treat yourself. So I

The Gap Is Not The Problem

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had a client come back to the gym after having a baby. She was out on maternity leave, and she finally got clearance. And the first thing she did when she walked into the gym for her first session back was apologize to me for being gone, for being emotional, for being different, for not being where she left off. And I just was like completely frozen and stuck because she was being so hard on herself. She was questioning everything throughout the workout. She was uncertain, she was insecure, she was pissed, she was frustrated. And reminding her that, you know, she just experienced a miracle, a literal miracle. She had a baby. And that, you know, it's gonna be rough for the first few weeks, but with time, with patience, and with being kind to herself, she would get back to where she once was, if not completely surpass that point. Now, here's the real problem here. It's not about being away. You know, maybe you were injured, maybe you had a baby, maybe you were sidelined, something in your life was a major change, and you had to step away from that, either that hobby, or maybe it was the gym, maybe it was mountain biking or running outside, whatever it was. Your physical activity, you had to take a pause, you had to sit in this gap. The gap is not the problem. The problem is the story that you tell yourself about it. That's the real problem. You see, these things in life are natural. Women have babies, people change jobs, things shift. You have seasonality. If you have small children, you know that there are times of the year where they're in a strict routine and they follow a schedule, and then there's times of the year where they're home all day, or they are at summer camp, or they have a different schedule. And so you need to be fluid and flexible in order to accommodate for all of those things. The maternity leave client apologizing to me was it was just so telling about, you know, the stories that she was telling herself. Maybe she thought she had lost all of her strength. Maybe she thought she was disappointing me. Maybe she thought she was never gonna get back to that place that she once was. Maybe she thought, wow, this is going to be really fucking hard. And maybe she was a little bit scared about that. And guess what? All of that is okay. Now, here's where my expertise comes in. And I think I have a very good ability to read the room, to meet people where they're at, to offer a different perspective. And although I am not a mother and I don't know the inner workings or what that feels like in my body, I don't know how that physically will manifest because I have not experienced that personally. But what I do know is that the body is incredibly resilient and it does bounce back, but you have to allow it to evolve and adjust on its own time. It doesn't work on your timeline. We don't get to decide, okay, well, today I'm gonna be able to squat my old PR. It doesn't work that way.

How To Return After Baby

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So, what I offer to my clients who are returning from a break or they're returning to the gym after having a baby, or whatever the case may be, the whatever that reason is that they had to take a pause to start a little bit lighter, to recognize hey, you just have been through something huge. And while your body is recovering from it, yes, you can turn up the heat a little bit, but also know that you're not going to be able to just step right back into where you once were, where you left off. Programming for returning moms is actually really specific. Typically, we will lighten the loads, we'll do some fewer sets, we focus on specific movements, particularly if there's any diastasis recti, which is uh a phenomenon that occurs in some mothers where the abdominal muscle actually separates right through the middle. And in some instances, we can work to strengthen that area and get it to get the opening in the middle to close up a bit. Some women are able to do it naturally, some women are not, and they need to have a surgical procedure. It really just depends. Uh, but there are things that we can do in the gym to work on those things and knowing how to make sure that you're pushing just enough, but not too much. Because the thing is, it's not always gonna be about slamming the weights, spiking the heart rate, or having this like crazy killer workout, especially not right in the beginning. Oftentimes it's gonna be a focus of more along the lines of let's make you feel good today. Let's stimulate your muscles, let's get you moving. Maybe we'll break a light sweat. But I don't need you to be in the fetal position at the end of the session.

Diastasis Recti And Smart Training

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Another example is when people change their jobs. Sometimes you have to give yourself grace because you just changed jobs. Maybe you have a different commute, maybe the expectations are a little bit different. You know, it's good, in my opinion, when you're starting a new position, to play defense. Even if your new employer is expecting a miracle or a great performance out of you, you don't want to come out hot. I always like to, especially when I was working in corporate type of roles or when I worked in construction, I would sit back and get a lay of the land, understand the state of the state, find out what the status quo is, and then operate accordingly. I have never been someone who wants to just come out hot, even in personal training, you know, working at a big box gym, it's a sales job. Personal training is very much a sales job. And there are instances where people are competitive with each other. People may um, I don't want to say backstab, but sometimes a prospect will be shopping, and they'll meet with two or three or four different trainers and kind of see who they vibe with the best or who has the best so-called price. And so there is a level of competition. And even in that type of setting, like I know who I am, I know what I know, and I know that nobody can do what I do the way that I do it. Therefore, I'm in a category of one. Therefore, I'm not in competition with nobody. Therefore, when we're comparing numbers, that's for y'all. I'm not comparing my numbers to anybody else because I'm different. And that outlier, that uniqueness, that sets me apart and that makes me excellent at what I do. Nobody else can do what I do. They may do something else, they may try to copy it, but they cannot do what I do because they are not me and I am not them. You understand? So when it's about this job

Job Changes And Playing Defense

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change, treading lightly, sometimes that means maybe working a longer day, maybe being online a little bit longer, being available to answer calls, to attend meetings, to go into the office, or to go to dinners, etc. And so that could really impede on your health and fitness goals. But maybe after a few weeks, you'll get a better understanding of what the expectations are, what they really are, not what the company says they are, and you'll know how to navigate that. And in that instance, when you come back to the gym, you don't want to come out hot, you don't want to come out guns blazing, you want to take it nice and easy and play defense. Test the waters and slowly increase the weights, slowly increase the intensity, slowly increase the number of times you go to the gym. Now, the real magic here is in when you know how to structure your workouts and you can accommodate changes. So you can build your training around your real life and not some fantasy version of it. Now, for a personal trainer, especially someone who works in a gym where we're seeing clients in person, we have this conversation all the time because there's so many instances in which a person has great intentions. Yeah, they want to come to the gym five days a week. Of course, they're spending all this money on a membership. They love the amenities, they think the equipment's great, they love how friendly all the staff is, they love the smoothies or going out for a dip in the pool after their workout, they love the cold plunge or the sauna, blah, blah, blah, right? But in actuality, they are going from zero to a hundred. This is a person who maybe was going to a gym once a week. So, how are they gonna go to the gym five days? Let's let's really think about this, right? So, as a trainer, as somebody who's advising on programming, on education, on teaching the skills that are needed, the fundamentals, the movement patterns, what exercises are substituted for what, it is my responsibility to level set those expectations. You're not coming to the gym five days a week because if you're going from one day and jumping up to five days, that may work for a week or two. But I promise you, you will be so disappointed on that third week when you only get to the gym twice. So it's really important to look at where you're at and build it from there. Think about having a program that can bend to these things. So maybe we're talking about that seasonal situation for a busy parent or a single parent, or maybe even a full family, but the kids are home for summer now. So now there's their camp schedule changes, their activity schedule changes. You can't get to the gym as often. So what do you do? You're not gonna stop coming to the gym, you're gonna

Stop Going From Zero To 100

SPEAKER_00 12:40

modify the plan. You see, the plan is only as good as it can be when it can be executed with or upon. So you can have a beautiful plan on paper, but if it requires two or three more times a week than you are actually capable of achieving, it's not a good plan. Not for you, not right now, not in this season of your life. But that could change in the future. So we put that on the back burner for now, we modify and we do what we can with what we have at our disposal. I'll tell you honestly, two heavy full-body workouts a week is better that that can get done is better than five workouts that you can't keep up with. Okay. It's really about being real with yourself. And then you can have a small goal and then you can have a stretch goal. Now, this next thing that I'm going to talk about is the most important point of this whole episode. Okay. I've mentioned it on previous episodes, but it's worth noting again everything in life is impermanent. Okay. If you're in a high right now, you're on an upswing. Life is good,

Build Training Around Real Life

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you're making money, you got a roof over your head, you got great clients, you love your job, you got a great commute, whatever. You're rolling in the dough, good for you. Life is good, family's getting along. Enjoy that. It's not gonna last forever. And I'm not being a Debbie Downer, I'm being a realist. So then when the times get tough, when there's strife, when there's a little struggle, when maybe that commute changed and now you're sitting in traffic for two hours every day, well, you got to know that that's also impermanent. You're going through a challenge with one of your children or a partner or a family member, that's also impermanent. And so this idea that you're gonna create feelings around an unrealistic identity that you establish for yourself because you just had a baby. Now you're coming back to the gym, and now you're gonna beat yourself up for a standard that's not real, for something that you happen to hold in your head, you have this high expectation, and it's so far out of your reach that you're always gonna feel like shit because you can't reach it, you can't even touch it. But what if you change that goal? And then what if you realize that through this season, this is a season of slowing down? This is a season of doing the best you can. This is a season of, okay, I'm gonna do my best, and eventually I'm gonna do even better. All of the people that I've mentioned so far on this episode, the person who changes their job, the person who has a baby, and the person who is going through some seasonality in their family, they all have similar situations, similar struggles, and yet they're each unique in their own situation. So again, remember that nothing is permanent in life, the good and the not so good. And all of that is beautiful. So when it's good, enjoy it, soak it all up, and when it's not so good, pray for the discernment and the strength to get through that tough time with the least amount of scars, the least amount of damage, and look towards better days. Now, here's some takeaways for you this week. I want you to get back to that activity at least once, whether it's going to the gym, maybe you go to CrossFit, maybe uh you go for a run. I want you to do it at least one time this week if you have completely fallen off. And I want you to not beat yourself up if you are not like your old self. All right. The goal is not what you do, it's simply to complete the task. That will prove to you that you still got it. It doesn't have to be pretty, it doesn't have to be perfect. If you're running, it doesn't have to be fast. Now, if you're going back to the gym, I want you to cut your weights down. Just drop the number, lower the expectation, be real with yourself, set yourself up for

Impermanence And Identity Expectations

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a good experience. Consider this sort of a runway that you can ramp up and rebuild to get back to where you once were. You slow down to speed up. And then lastly, think about a program that you can complete in your hardest time or in your hardest week. All right. Something that you absolutely 100% can accomplish no matter what gets thrown at you. Because when you can do that, so yeah, you can go do the thing, work out once, but if you can stick to a plan, even if it's twice a week, but you can do that for a month straight, that's eight sessions. That's better than none, right? So I want you to remember to be nice to yourself. If you're just coming back from a hiatus of any sort, it's gonna be rough in the beginning, but you'll get through it. And if it's a life change, if it's a job change, if it's a swing of the pendulum, and you know, your kids are gonna be going back to school at the end of the summer. Enjoy the summer for what you have and just roll with it. Because another opportunity will present itself. It's right around the corner. You'll get to go back to the gym, you'll get to go back to your routine, you will get to do what you need to do for yourself. But your kids are gonna keep growing and life is gonna keep going. So you got to find that balance and know how to enjoy both the great and the not so great because none of it is permanent. And at the end of our days, we're all gonna move on to the afterlife of some sort, whatever you believe in. So enjoy what you have in front of you right now and do the best with what you got. I really appreciate your time and attention, and I appreciate my loyal listeners that tune in every week. Drop a comment or leave a review if you have the time. It really helps me to get pushed out to new listeners, amazing people just like you, that we can add to our community. If you want to follow me on Instagram, you can check the show notes. You can also subscribe to my email newsletter, and you can learn more about a new offer that I'm going to be launching in September 2026. Thank you. As always, I'll catch you on the next one.